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Why photo should be more beautiful?


Permata92 3 / 5  
Aug 10, 2016   #1
Hi guys..this is my first essay..
Help me to give feedback about grammar in my summarize article from nationalgeographic.com.

Why Photo Should Be 'So much More Than Beautiful'

Ami Vital who is the photographer covers the stories about culture, animals, and global issues with an expedient eye in her project "Through the Lens" series. She want to persuade viewer's emotions while give some information about global issues. The first picture which was important to her is when she went to the West African and planned to stay a couple of weeks to tell story about aftermath of civil war that Africa which the popular country with war and starving problem was not idealized world for safaris and exotic animal. But in her experience is quite different. She got a wonderful picture in her journey which became the dramatic headlines. Even though in the first time, she was shooting film and she didn't know what type of photographs she had created. Since that, she realized that she wanted to spend her life working to highlight our commonalities rather than their differences.

Became a photographer was appropriate occupation for her because she didn't have any plan except working as a photographer. She also said that empathy is the wellspring of creativity and it being the most appreciated possession for her. In the interview with national geographic, She also mention a suggestion for appearing photographer that make it yours, unique, and don't shoot what you believe people are going to like however shoot from your heart and find your own style and passion.

Thanks for your concern.
Best Regards,

Selvi Permata Groda
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 10, 2016   #2
Your essay is good, but i have some suggestion which you can use :

- In the first time --> At the first time
- she had created --> she created
- that make it yours --> to make it yours
- what you believe people are going to like = it has 2 verb with only 1 subject --> what you believe or what people like

Hope you also give feedback to my essay, thanks.


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