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Photographs/ Reminisce about the past ; Classification Essay


GYG17 1 / 2  
Feb 24, 2010   #1
Hi everyone!! Here I attach an essay I did last year for a class now I have to take again because I flunked it. I didn't get a good grade on this essay, so I want to rewrite and I'd really like your help to do so.

More than anything, I'd hope you can help me identify my weaknesses in writing, what you can tell from this essay.
I wrote a classification essay on photographs. Here it is. Thank you in advance.

For almost two centuries now, photographs have been a significant part of our everyday lifes. Photographs capture people's especial moments and preserve memories of their favorite times. Even though photographs usually serve to reminisce about the past, sometimes people simply do not want to be reminded of how they used to look. This happens because people do not always photograph well. In fact, photographs can be classified into three categories according to how people look in them.

The least common photographs for most people are those in which they love how they look. This kind of pictures are the ones that people show proudly to their family, friends, and especially to prospective better-halves. These photos are often framed and placed on spots where guests can clearly see them. In this category we are likely to include photographs where people have fabulous hairdos, wear their favourite outfits, or simply look their best. People guard these photographs with their lives, and they often feel these photos could have made it into a professional model's portfolio. As much as everyone loves this kind of photographs, they are the most rare.

Not rare at all are the photographs where people feel okay with the way they look. People are not reluctant to show these pictures to their families and friends, but they may consider it twice before showing them to a potential true love. These photographs commonly fill people's albums, since there is no reason to be ashamed of them. Among these photos we may find those in which people have decent haircuts, wear regular clothes, or do not look shabby. People take good care of this kind of pictures because, considering that they make up most of anyone's photo albums, of the three categories this is the best to reminisce about the past.

Quite common and most dreaded are the photographs where people look awful. People are utterly unwilling to show this kind of pictures to anyone, whether relatives or friends. Showing a photo of this kind to a possible soul mate is out of the question. These photos are always hidden so that no one can see them, if they have not been burned already. In this category are included those pictures where people have horrible hairdos, wear old-fashioned clothes, or simply have a terrible expression on their faces. People always make sure to keep this photographs well hidden, and if possible they do away with them. Of the three types of photos, this is the worst to remember how people used to look, and yet they are fairly common.

All of these categories make up anyone's collection of personal photographs. Nevertheless, that does not mean that people are always fond of reminiscing about their past with all of these pictures. In order to keep people's own self-esteem intact, the best choice is to keep those pictures where they look okay in their albums, those where they look their best where everyone can see them, and those where they look their worst out of reach of curious eyes.
kasi_gem 2 / 4  
Feb 25, 2010   #2
hey gyg

the attempt is good enough to attract people but , i didn't found any strange thing in it .because there is nothing new that we don't know ....
OP GYG17 1 / 2  
Feb 25, 2010   #3
Thank you for your comments, I guess what you're trying to say is that I didn't give the text a twist so that it would somehow refer to new ideas on the topic, right? Any other comments are welcome.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 26, 2010   #4
You write very well. Your sentence structure is sophisticated and varied. This is very good:
Not rare at all are the photographs where people feel okay with the way they look.

Your thesis is also very good, and so are those topic sentences that begin the paragraphs.

Little improvements can be made... like this:
the photographs in which people look awful.

People guard these photographs with their lives, and they often feel these photos could have made it into a professional model's portfolio.--- this is an excellent way to describe something!! I want to talk to you teacher! How could this have gotten a bad grade? What were points taken off for? if you didn't follow instructions it is your fault, but... sometimes teachers dock points without a good reason. Always make your teachers explain why they deduct points!!

in which:
pictures in which they look okay in their albums, those in which they ...

I suggest making the last paragraph of any essay at least 5 sentences long, so that it is full of reflection.

:-) please check out the EF Contributor page!! (link at bottom of screen). You write very well; don't let any teachers tell you otherwise!
OP GYG17 1 / 2  
Mar 10, 2010   #5
Thank you so much for your positive feedback, you have just made my day! :) I was really frustrated with my writing, since I have flunk this course twice, and now I'm about to give it a third try, and I really do not want to fail again. Points were taken off for lack of variety of vocabulary, use of generalizations, wrong use of referents, shifts in focus, wrong use of collocations, patterns and structures, among many other things lol! I just feel I can't get the hang of it, at least I can't get the hang of what my teacher wants.

I'll check the Contributor page, and soon I'll post another essay so you can take a look at it.
Thanks so much Kevin!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 11, 2010   #6
Sounds like a tough class, but it will make you a good writer! I think you should google dianna hacker and read her writing advice. She explains everything in a way that really helped me a long time ago.

Good luck!! Get your teachers to spend extra time with you! These are tough concepts, but you can learn what they all mean.


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