My first impression on your writing is that it is too few words. If you write much less than the required word count, it will reduce your score.
Well, since this essay is expected to be written as academic writing, I suggest you to follow this model:
Introduction -- background + thesis statement
Body Para -- idea (topic sentence) + supporting sentences + conclusion
Conclusion -- restatement of thesis + summary of body para + final thought
*supporting sentences can be: example + discussion or a number of points to support your topic sentence
To my belief, physical education should be required due to its tremendous benefits.Let me give a try for the introductory paragraph:
(background) Sport continues to be a controversial topic in the school curriculum, whether it should be a compulsory subject or not. (thesis statement) I would like to argue that by making sport to be an obligatory program, it could be extremely positive for students because of some following reasons.
First, it can improve your physical health and also your mental health. Thus it offers a wide range of skills which will become essential for their future work.Make it to be two body paragraphs:
Physical education helps you maintain a good shape and a great vitality. It strengthens your muscle and enhance endurance. Furthermore , it also creates a good habit of taking exercise daily. This activity can even do good to students' mental health. It makes them feel happier and more interested in learning. If they are stressful after long, harsh hours in classroom then taking physical education will solve the problem. And it can be really amusing, relaxing for student to communicate with their classmates. Talking makes them fell better because it creates bonding between class members. Beside, sports such as soccer, basketballs,... results in teamwork skills and an iron will. This will support them later in their work and academic performances.
(topic sentence) One major benefit of sport is that it helps children's physical development at an important stage. (supporting sentence) It offers a wide range of physical skills which will become essential to prevent them become unfit. Furthermore, school sport also encourages students to take regular exercise which it provides excitement activities. This can be a good solution both physically and mentally from the boredom of learning theory at class. (conclusion) If all their time is spent only studying academic subjects such as maths and science without having sport activities, their minds would eventually suffer.
(topic sentence) Another reason why sport should be considered to be required program is that school sport emphasizes the importance of team building. (supporting sentence) It can be seen from sports such as soccer or basketball which is full of teamwork skills and competitive spirit. This is notable, for example, that many successful business people excelled in sport at school. (conclusion) As such, sport is so important today, even it will support students in their future work.
To sum up, the advantages of physical education are uncontroversial, because of that schools must require them.To sum up, sport should be compulsory in school since it brings many positive effects on students' both mental and physical development. Where possible, school should maintain high standards of this physical education so as that students would not be reluctant to take part on it.Anyway, it is better if you write the question completely so that the readers can give meaningful feedback for your writing.