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Physical exercise is important issue, should be a required part of every school day


siminbiazar 1 / -  
Aug 10, 2012   #1
As the society grows more and more conscious, stronger voice to do exercises as a part of human life begin to emerge. Doing exercise from childhood is an important issues that governments nowadays dealing with it. Some problems such as health on both physically and mentally cause to think about this crucial more. I believe that exercise is an important part of life as same as academic studies and even more, then I express my reasons as follow.

First, regular exercise help children to be healthier, because they are not aware about their body to stay fit and with the high rate of delicious fast food, which encourage them to eat it more, then we see a plenty of children that suffer from obesity. Exercise, help them to burn calories and get rid of fat.

Second, studying whole the day of school and compete with other students without any relaxation go them through anxiety and even psychology problems. As this problems mentioned, physical exercise play an important role to decrease stress especially middle of the classes and help students to more focus on their lessons and help them to improve themselves.

Last and foremost, nowadays many people even in an early age, suffer from problems such as heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure. It is just because of changing their habits in eating and of course lack of the time to doing exercise as a routine. Many people run away from exercise and do it sporadically, and then it is a good point that put it in an every school as a crucial issue.

Based on what has been said, we conclude that exercise is an important issue that not only helps children to remove stress in daily life but also help them to live healthier and feel better.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 10, 2012   #2
both physically and mentally causes have urged the authorities to to seriously think about this crucial issuemore

then I express my reasons as follow

It would be better to mention your reasons briefly (through several words). In the body you wrote about the effects of sport activities on physical and mental states of people. So, u could write these issues at the end of the introduction.

In addition, the second and fourth paragraphs are revolving around one issue, which is physical state of people and health. Thus, I think it would be better to combine these paragraphs as one in order to improve the unity of the essay.

to behave a healthier life

aware aboutof their body to

the high rate of delicious fast food

High rate of what??? Revise it

First, regular exercise help children to be healthier, because they are not aware about their body to stay fit and with the high rate of delicious fast food, which encourage them to eat it more, then we see a plenty of children that suffer from obesity.

the sentence is too long.

studying whole the day ofat school

plays an important role toin decrease in the stress level, especially in middle of the classes, (use comma here) and it also helps students to be more focused on their lessons and thereby helps them to improvepasstheir achievement tests with better resultsthemselves .

even in an early age

I think "young people" is better to be used in this context.

suffer from problems such as heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure.

U can use the word "cardiovascular diseases"

crucial issue.

u used "crucial" in the introduction. Use a synonym such as "critical", "imperative", etc.

Regards
Ahmad
layla88 3 / 16  
Aug 28, 2012   #3
The given reasons are for why children get obesity.
It would be better to write: First, regular exercise help children to be healthier. Children are not aware of their body and with tremendous production of delicious fast food, which encourage them to eat more, they are more capable of improving obesity.
amitt - / 80  
Aug 28, 2012   #4
I think so much disection of essay is also not fruitful... if one contributor is giving his/her views in sentence making/grammer/spelling errors then others do take responsibility of examles/idioms/phrases... or some other areas ...this is too much

Good Luck
))):


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