both physically and mentally causes have urged the authorities to to seriously think about this crucial issuemore
then I express my reasons as follow
It would be better to mention your reasons briefly (through several words). In the body you wrote about the effects of sport activities on physical and mental states of people. So, u could write these issues at the end of the introduction.
In addition, the second and fourth paragraphs are revolving around one issue, which is physical state of people and health. Thus, I think it would be better to combine these paragraphs as one in order to improve the unity of the essay.
to behave a healthier life
aware aboutof their body to
the high rate of delicious fast food
High rate of what??? Revise it
First, regular exercise help children to be healthier, because they are not aware about their body to stay fit and with the high rate of delicious fast food, which encourage them to eat it more, then we see a plenty of children that suffer from obesity.
the sentence is too long.
studying whole the day ofat school
plays an important role toin decrease in the stress level, especially in middle of the classes, (use comma here) and it also helps students to be more focused on their lessons and thereby helps them to improvepasstheir achievement tests with better resultsthemselves .
even in an early age
I think "young people" is better to be used in this context.
suffer from problems such as heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure.
U can use the word "cardiovascular diseases"
crucial issue.
u used "crucial" in the introduction. Use a synonym such as "critical", "imperative", etc.
Regards
Ahmad