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TOEFL Essay: Physical health is a prerequisite for mental health and academic achievements


lurian 1 / 1  
Nov 11, 2010   #1
There is no doubt that physical health is a prerequisite for mental health and academic achievements and some skills gained from sports activities such as teamwork. It is necessary for students' career during their lifetime. Both sports and academic activities are indispensable to university education.

However, I don't agree that means university should provide sports activities the equal funding as library.
At first, library plays a key role for college students. It's the most convenient and effective access to aquire knowledge after class (the meaning of this?).

As the best place to finish homework or assignment, library should provide students not only plentiful information but also a bright, clean and roomy environment. This will cost money to pay for electricity and staff who clean up the library.

Secondly, the expense of library is becoming bigger than previous years as the knowledge is updating more frequently in recent years.
Computer software, eletronical journal and internet research database become necessary tools for research. Most up-to-date library facilities are expensive to buy and maintain.
On the contrary, the most ordinary sports facilities can be used for many years and there no necessity to keep them up-to-date. Scince many university do not have a sufficient budget, they should pay their money for stronger demands.

Finally, university should focus on academic education because for many students it's the best way to acquire it.
People can gain all of the skills with a lot of practice and doing a lot of homework , but university has to provide them the research tools and information.

(The latter is hard to find a substitute. It would be very difficult for you to solve the problem that you cannot find some papers on specialized subject in your library. But it cannot be a trouble for you to take some exercise if there isn't a tennis court in your university.

You can play basketball or something else instead.
Students at university need plenty of information and knowledge to get the best education.
It's university's responsibility to provide these for them. For these reason, libraries should be better funded than sports activities by university.)

------------------i am a split line-------------------------------------------
im a newbie here,and this my first practice for my TOEFL test.
your replies will be greatly appreciated

sweetheart87 11 / 32  
Nov 11, 2010   #2
In my point of view the last paragraph is a bit unclear.
What is the heading of the essay?
sweetheart87 11 / 32  
Nov 11, 2010   #3
I'm sorry. I'm reading now the heading.
I think the big problem in your essay is: the structure.
You can organize it in a simply way.
- introduction - where you explain in short the issue.
- body with two or three paragraphs when you summarises the argoments and with your personal opinion
- conclusion
OP lurian 1 / 1  
Nov 12, 2010   #4
thanks for your advice! I rewrite this essay and i hope the new one would be more clear.
sweetheart87 11 / 32  
Nov 12, 2010   #5
Well, for the "Agree or disagree" questions you have to plan your essay before writing. You should spend around five minutes on this, but it's very important!!!

Draw two columns (for and against) and a list with three or four points for each side of the argument.
Asking yourselves questions about each of the key words in the essay question.
It help you to plan your answer!
You have to:
state your agreement/disagreement and rewrite the original question in your own words;
- list your arguments to support your opinion
- state the opposing arguments and attack this position if it is necessary
- summarise your arguments and re-emphasis your opinion

you shouldn't have any problems!!!! You've many good ideas! Reorganize the essay on this structure, it will be perfect!
GOOD LUCK!!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Nov 20, 2010   #6
Ilaria, you are a hero! I hope you and xinru li both check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page.

I want to recommend something about this very complicated sentence:

There is no doubt that physical health is a prerequisite for mental health and academic achievements. Sports can promote physical health, and some skills which can be gained from sports, such as teamwork, are also necessary for students' careers.

:-)
sweetheart87 11 / 32  
Nov 22, 2010   #7
kevin, I don't understand.
Are you kidding me?


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