factors important for success in sport
Question: Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views in which is more important for sport players to succeed in sports. In my opinion, both mental stamina and physical fitness are equally important.
On the one hand, it can be argued that the characteristic which can help sport performers win the competition mainly is endurance. Many sport games require physical strength such as football or weight lifting. For example, in a football match, to compete with the rivals from the beginning to the end, football players have to be enduring and flexible. If they are in weak physical condition, they may not undertake either severe trainings or adversity.
On the other hand, some people believe that strong will is the key factor which leads to success in sports. With strong mental health, sports players could easily overcome fears, pressure and difficulties in their career. Take Anh Vien swimmer as a telling example, she is the first women who won many gold medals in SEA GAMES for her nation. Despite being young, she still gets over many ups and downs and remains a never-give-up spirit whenever she goes through strict trainings. In contrast, many sport players are mentally weak when confronting stressful situations or compete with those who are better than him or her. As a result, failure would easily come to their ways.
In conclusion, it seems to me that a successful sport player should have both physical and mental strength so that they would be able to shine at their career.
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It would be unjust of me to review this essay for information, format, and quality of discussion when it is definitely under the required minimum word count. You will be losing points for the number of lacking words (3) which signifies that this is an incomplete and under developed discussion presentation. Based on the prompt discussion instruction alone, I can already tell that this should have been a 5 paragraph essay. However, you only presented 4 paragraphs because you did not use the public point of view discussion method for the 2 public opinion paragraphs before presenting your personal opinion. The essay converted from a compare, contrast, and opinion essay to simply, a personal opinion presentation of the 2 discussion points.
Your prompt paraphrase and conclusion are incomplete. There is no proper restatement of the prompt in both instances. For the opening paraphrase, you neglected to present the two public opinions. Also, you were in error when you decided that you could have an immediate opinion, without first considering the 2 differing points of view. The opening paraphrase never requires a solid opinion from the writer. Just a restatement of the discussion instruction.
Then, the concluding summary, as you can tell from the title of that paragraph, requires you to restate the prompt, the 2 POVs, and your personal opinion once again in order to remind the reader about the discussion points prior to closing the essay with a simple sentence.
I will avoid judging your work for now. I want to be fair and give you a chance to write a proper essay that meets all of the requirements and format for the presentation before I recommend points for improvement. I will also point out any other errors your paper may have at that point. As of now, I want to give you a chance to show me that you can write a proper Task 2 essay.