Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


"not physically and mentally fit to play" - How I suck at sports


butterbescotch 6 / 41  
Mar 29, 2011   #1
Anyone who knows me can claim that I'm not physically and mentally fit to play various sports. When I say I suck I am not being modest. However, my friends always called me whenever they had a game. I don't know what they are up to. If they just want to increase my self-esteem or just want to see me ridiculously play. In any other intentions, I always end up submitting to their will. The games we played made me realized how I suck at sports.

I played basketball last year and it went bad. Whenever I got the ball I find myself trembling. I always passed it randomly. Whenever I hold the ball, it felt like a great responsibility like they expect me to shoot the ball or show some tricks. So I usually throw it away immediately to save myself from humiliation. One time when we were having a fast break, someone called out my name. Not knowing that was the signal for pass, I faced the voice's direction and receiving the ball right on my forehead. I felt my head cracked open. Sometimes, I wanted to have a clear shot but the opportunity never seemed to present itself.

The other day, I and my father went to the park to play tennis. But when we arrived there are already others playing. So we can't play together. I think I have already said Sorry for the hundredth time already. The tennis ball always hit the net. I knew my opponent was not having fun and neither do I. The same goes for Ping-Pong. I can barely catch tennis ball let alone the Ping-Pong ones. I once got hit by a paddle. It nearly broke the bridge of my nose. I had to cover it with a cloth due to its excessive bleeding.

These days our country is getting interested in soccer. Almost all students in our town know how to play soccer even my little brother. I am glad it didn't happen in my time. I surely don't want to break my leg. When I was a child, I encouraged my classmates to play soccer. I actually enjoyed it until we had to stop because my classmate was hit directly unto his face. Well of course, they put the blame on me.

When Manny Pacquiao's glorious moments were rising, my dark days were looming. All towns took pride over his victories and ours was no different. We had daily sparring. My father encouraged me to fight. I had already received several blows before I gave my first. The match only ended because of the weather. Even though I hated rain because of the sickness it caused me, I started to like it.

I don't know if I'll ever enjoy sports. I tried finding my old friends but they are all busy. Even if I tried to join games, I doubted if anyone would admit me. There are now new generations that are playing. Besides who would like to play with a guy like me, I'm skinny, short and easily distracted. It will be a total disadvantage to their part.

But playing sports seems fun. I mean almost all people indulge in it. Almost all males are engage to sports. I am determined to sulk, but the truth is, I want to be part of the game.

-----------

Thanks for reading.
storm94 2 / 3  
Mar 29, 2011   #2
find found myself trembling.
OP butterbescotch 6 / 41  
Mar 30, 2011   #3
^Thanks.

Any comments about grammar and composition? I will really appreciate it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 1, 2011   #4
You were using the past tense, so continue using the past tense: I don didn't know what they were up to.

Maybe they wanted to increase my self-esteem, or maybe they just wanted to see me ridiculously play. ----Awesome... you do not suck at writing.

In any Regardless of my other intentions, I always ended up submitting to their will.

The games we played made me realized how I suck at sports. you already said this. Also, I think some readers will be offended by "suck." Maybe you should say it in a way that is not slang.

... felt like a great responsibility like they expect me to shoot the ball or show some tricks. -----Ha ha, this is a great sentence, too.

The other day, my father and I went to the park to play tennis. But when we arrived there are already others playing. So we can couldn't play together.

But playing sports seems fun. I mean almost all people indulge in it. Almost all males are engage to sports. I am determined not to sulk, but the truth is, I want to be part of the game.----Excellent ending... this writing is very good. You have some errors, but they do not diminish the power of your writing.
OP butterbescotch 6 / 41  
Apr 2, 2011   #5
Thanks Kevin for taking time to edit my posts :]


Home / Writing Feedback / "not physically and mentally fit to play" - How I suck at sports
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳