Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 10

The pie chart gives us information where people who travel to New Zealand come from


mem77 62 / 98 6  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
International Visitors to New Zealand : country of origin

The pie chart gives us information about where people who travel to New Zealand come from. According to that data, there are six countries of origin visitors who come to New Zealand. And also on that chart, there are seven parts of chart to differentiate each country.

A closer look at that chart shows that Australia has the largest percentage for country of origin visitors on New Zealand, which is forty percent. The second place is come from United Kingdom on twelve percent. United States makes complete of top three usually visitors come from to New Zealand, on the nine percent.

The East Asian countries, China, Japan and South Korea, send five percent, four percent and three percent each. However, twenty-seven percent come from other European countries. Overall, on the pie chart we know that more than seventy percent of holidaymakers come from Britannia areas.



PHA2016 39 / 62 4  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Hello Mem,

writing task 1 require less 150 word and your task approximately 145 words only, you need add more word to fit the requirement.

According to that the data,

And also on that chart, these pie chart shown there are ...

that chart shows that double conjunction.

... come from United Kingdom on around twelve percent.

... visitors come from to New Zealand, on about the nine percent.

in Writing task 1 at least includes introduction, body and conclusion. pay attention in grammar and tenses

hope these help
BAMS14 18 / 29  
Sep 13, 2016   #3
hallo mem77
there are few suggestion for you

count of word should be at least 150 your word is 145
The pie chart givesus shows information about where people who travel ...
According to that based on data ( be carefull with preposition and structure s+v+o)

And also on that chart the diagrams showed, there are seven parts of chart to differentiate each country.
The second place is come from The United Kingdom ...
United States makes complete of top (...) from to New Zealand, on the until nine percent.

... Japan and South Korea, send five 5 percent %, four percent 4% and three percent 3% each.

(attention for structure gerund, preposisi and common word)
kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Sep 14, 2016   #4
Hi Mem77! Here some advices:

First, I think your writing is less than 150 words. Second, you need to put the conclusion or strong statement in the first paragraph before you continue to the next paragraph. Third, avoid repetition and try to use the synonym of the common words appeared on your writing.

For example:

countries=nations
origin=homeland
mdamanhuri77 22 / 35 3  
Sep 14, 2016   #5
hi mem77

... information about where people who travel tourist/traveller to New Zealand come comes from. According to that data, there are six countries ... And also on that chart then, there are seven parts of chart to ...

A closer look at that chart it shows that Australia australian has the largest (...), which is forty fourty percent. The second place largest is come from United Kingdom on twelve percent. United States makes to complete of top three ...

#i think the summary still need a beautiful sentence
Mita22 3 / 1  
Sep 14, 2016   #6
Hello mem
I would like correction your writing
I think you writing is less than 150 words and your word is 145 my be you can put more
Send ( five percent ) 5% ( four percent)4% and ( three percent) 3% my be you can used number not just words .
Come from United Kingdom ( on ) around 12 %
Fira28 6 / 10  
Sep 20, 2016   #7
Hello mem77, here i left comment for you

• The pie chart gives ==>(you can change the word with describes, illustrates, intences, shows) us information about where ...

• And also on that the chart, there are seven parts of (the) chart to differentiate each country.

• A closer look at that (you can use: overall, it can be seen that,(the) chart shows that Australia has ...

• The second place is come from United Kingdom on twelve percent(s) .

• ... come from to New Zealand, on the nine percent(s) .

• The East Asian countries, China, Japan and South Korea, send five percent(s) , four percent(s) and three percent(s) each.

• However, twenty-seven percent(s) come from other European countries.

• Overall ==> overall it can be seen (...) more than seventy percent(s) of holidaymakers come from Britannia areas.
ibal28 20 / 30 5  
Sep 20, 2016   #8
Hi mem77. Here I left some comment for you. Hope it can help.

The pie chart gives us information about where people who want travel to New Zealand come from . According to thatthe data, there are six countries of origin visitors who come to New Zealand. And also on that Based on the data, chart there are seven parts of chart to differentiate each country.countries as an International visitors.

... the largest percentage for the country of origin visitors ...
The second place is come from United Kingdom(It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb come from United Kingdom in a passive voice construction)has come from the United Kingdom twelve percent. The United States makes complete ...

..., Japan and South Korea, send five 5 %, four 4 % and three 3 % each. However, twenty-seven percent ..... the pie chart,==> (you have to put the comma) we know that more than ...

Keep writing!!
VKWSSH99 1 / 3  
Sep 21, 2016   #9
Hi mem77,

I have few notes for you.

*For fulfilling requirement of Writing Task 1, at least you must have 150 words. In this writing you just have 145 words.

*The pie chart gives us information about where people who travel to New Zealand come from .
{it's little bit confusing, I suggest you to use - "The pie charts gives us information regarding origin of traveler that comes to New Zealand "

*According to that {you should use the , it cause you already explained what kind of data} data.....

*And also on that {you should use the , it cause you already explained what kind of data} chart, there are seven parts of chart {there is many repetition for this word, you can use it } to differentiate each country.
Alamsyah Ismail 24 / 43  
Oct 4, 2016   #10
Hello mem77
i have a twice of advice for you

And also on that chart
A closer look at that chart shows that Australia ...
....you donot need (that), because at and on are prepositional that have to meet noun or noun prhase directly

Australia has the largest percentage for country ...
...you should change has with had, because had used to past time


Home / Writing Feedback / The pie chart gives us information where people who travel to New Zealand come from