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The pie chart below shows the main reasons why students chose to study at a particular UK university

Darren Mai 2 / 2 1  
Jun 21, 2017   #1

reasons to attend a British university

The two pie charts compare students' responses to a survey about fundamental reasons to go to a specific university in the UK in the years 1987 and 2007.

It is clear that university course fitness was the most important concern in both years. While distance to parents' house was the least concerned in 1987, it had become the second most important reason to study at a UK college by 2007

In 1987, 35% of students choosing a particular UK university rated suitable degree courses as their number-one-worry, which was considerably higher than the percentages of the two second most common concerns, quality of studying resources and provision of sport and social activities, 21% and 19% respectively. The quality of educational teaching came next at 15%, while just 10% of students who went to a UK tertiary education worried about the closeness to their parents' house.

By 2007, the amount of students concerning university course suitability rose slightly by 2% to 37%. In contrast, the worries related to supporting for sport and other social activities saw a dramatic decrease to a mere 6%. There was a growing concern for the proximity to parental home with the figure reaching 22%, whereas the quality of available resources fell slightly by 3% and the teaching quality saw a small rise.

(215 words)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,199 4315  
Jun 21, 2017   #2
Darren, while you did a pretty good representation of the overall information in the essay, your summary statement lacks vital information that would have made it a considerably well developed overview of the information provided. While you are not advised to present actual information or figures in the opening paragraph, you could have outlined the upcoming discussion based upon the sections that needed to be represented in your comparison discussion. That means, the information that the percentages were based upon a specific criteria such as quality of resources and suitable degree courses, along with the other discussion points, should have been indicated in the opening statement. The inclusion of these information would have better prepared the reader for the forthcoming information presentation that you did very well in your succeeding discussion paragraphs.

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