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The pie charts below compare 2 years in terms of online sale in retail sectors in Canada


nochu307 1 / 1  
Jun 20, 2019   #1

online shopping sales for retail sectors



These 2 pie charts compare 2 years in terms of how many retail sectors were sold online in Canada.
General speaking, in both 2 years, together Electronics&Appilance and Food&Beverage represented more than a half of sales . The list of online sale for retail sectors weren't changed throughout the period.

It's clearly that there was a noticeable development on the sales of the Food&Beverage by 10%( from 22% to 32%) to hit the peak. Whereas, Information Technology grew up extremely quickly, giving rise to the online sales of video game, it increased steadly by 5%, reaching nearly a quarter.

By stark contrast, the number of people who bought Electronics&Appilance online decreased slightly from 35% to 30% between 2005 and 2010, a drop in 5 years, lost its top in last 5 years. Respectively, the customers of Home Funishings went down sharply, halve as many as the Food&Beverage's custuomers in the year 2010




Thangnguyen315 8 / 24  
Jun 20, 2019   #2
@nochu307
I think these pie charts do not provide data about the number of retail sectors; however, they actually illustrate the proportion of different online sectors that were sold.

I think you should write your introduction in other way.

Regards,

Thang
vietcti 2 / 5  
Jun 20, 2019   #3
'General speaking In general, in both 2 years, together ... represented more than a half of sales '
i do not think you are writing in a right way. You should say more than half of the total sales. But you should rewrite the whole sentence.

'to hit the peak. Whereas, Information
whereas = on contrary. We just only use this word if the sentence have a reverse trend.
I think Information technology <> Video games (their meanings are totally different, you can not paraphrase in that way)
'Respectively, the customers of ' this word usually locates at the end of the sentence.
'steadly' -> steadily you mean?
this essay have a lot of grammatical errors which i can not list all here.
OP nochu307 1 / 1  
Jun 21, 2019   #4
@Thangnguyen315
@vietcti
Thanks you all very much, i'll improve it


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