The pie charts below describes how six regions in the world utilized water with unalike purpose

Hi everybody, I hope you guys can spend a little time to help me check my Ielts writing task 1. Thank you very much !

water for households and for industry

Topic : The chart below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below describes how six regions in the world utilized water with unalike purpose.

At first glance it is clear that countries from Africa, South America and Asia used water mostly for agriculture purpose while a very large majority of water in North America and Europe were used for industrial needs.

As can be seen from given pie charts, in North America and Europe, water was used mainly for industry which account for 48% and 53%; compare with a small amount of areas in Africa and Asia. More than 80% water in Africa and Asian regions went in agricultural field while this percentage was only 32% and 39% in North American parts and Europe. Percentage of water use for household in South America higher than other regions at 19%, whereas a very small number of people in Africa and Asia areas use water for personal use at home.

• 
  
  

Hoang, your essay needs to cover the required 4 paragraph format of the Task 1 presentation. You should not have bunched up all of the information in your second paragraph. You could have very easily split up the presentation into 2 more paragraphs of 3 sentences each by offering up comparison points based on Industrial, agricultural, and domestic use. You need to split up those sections into paragraph comparison presentations because the pie chart was split up that way. For clarity purposes, no, for scoring purposes (C&C and GRA considerations) you need to make sure that you present the information in a clear manner that will not confuse the reader. The way you have it right now makes it difficult to follow the discussion you are presenting.

Your summary overview is incomplete as it does not present the required information of:

1. measurement type
2. countries being compared
3.measurements being made

Presenting the above information in the summary would have helped your trending statement become clearer to the reader and also, offer a better outline for your upcoming discussion.

Thank you very much for your correction and some recommendations. I will work on my fault :)