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Writing Task 1 (Pie Charts describing about 3 most preferred FF Restaurants in Viet and Indo)

Dec 11, 2019   #1

the most preferred Fast Food Inns

The pie charts present the percentages of the three most preferred Fast Food Inns by youngers in Vietnam and Indonesia, in 2017 and 2027.

Overall, most teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia took McDonald's as their favorite, while Burger King and KFC are the least preferred ones respectively in those countries. In any case, KFC is predicted to successfully gain more attention from teenagers.

In 2017, most teenagers in Vietnam tended to eat fast food in Burger King with a percentage of 52.8%, whereas it became the lowest in Indonesia. While KFC was the least favored restaurant in Vietnam with only 4.1%, this was different in Indonesia since this held the second-biggest percentage. McDonald's ranked first in Indonesia with 60,8% but second in Vietnam.

Apart from the previous comparison, by 2027, In Vietnam, the figures for McDonalds and KFC are forecasted to rise by 14.3% and 2.2%, however, Burger King is predicted to show the reverse. In Indonesia, the tendency of teenagers to choose McDonald's and Burger King is predicted to plummet to 39.2% and 12.3%. Otherwise, the proportion of teenagers choosing KFC will be doubled to 48.5%.

Mahmud30 1 / 1  
Dec 11, 2019   #2
Task achievement
You try to make overall but inaccurate
Make it briefer
You try to make cohesive device but inappropriate
irsaqisthi 3 / 6 5  
Dec 11, 2019   #3
Instead of using "youngers", you can use "youngsters" as an alternative term to "teenagers". However is usually used in the beginning of sentence. It will be better if you use other conjunctions in the last sentence, for example by contrast, in contrast, or on the contrary.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Dec 12, 2019   #4
Task Achievement:

Let me start with the introduction. You have successfully paraphrased the rubric, but you need to pay attention to the words chosen, since not all words in the rubric have close meanings, like the word "Inns"that cannot be used to replace restaurants.

The overview you wrote did not cover all the feature, since you missed the tenses. In this report, you have two different time frames: past and future. However, I do not see you use appropriate tenses for this report. See this:

Burger King and KFC are

Coherence and Cohesion:
It seems you have no problem at all in the way you develop the sentence to sentence agreement, but some linking words you use are inaccurate. To avoid making repetitive, you need to use more references as to replace the ones you have mentioned.

Lexical Resource:
When it comes to the vocabulary, two-three word combinations are needed as to show the examiner that you can use a natural set phrase being closely. However, some of which you used are not colloquial, like held the second-biggest percentage; the tendency of;are forecasted to; gain more attention from; respectively

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
This is the area you need to concern more. Comma splices more often occur in your sentences, although they do not affect the communication. The misuse of however and otherwise appear there.

Hope this helps
yasabh 2 / 2 1  
Dec 12, 2019   #5
Hi Zaenal

Please be aware of grammar mistakes, here I will correct it for you:

the least favourite restaurant
but it was the second in Vietnam
In Indonesia, the tendency of article the cannot be used as a reference in this context, you should use a

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