, welcome to Essay Forum. I wanna try offering a few suggestion for finalizing your writing.
Firstly, if you wanna paraphrase the given statement, please don't miss from the meaning.
the proportion of annual expenditure was changed in a UK school in 1981...had changed
Following this, you should merge between the first and second paragraph becuase two elements are included in the introductory paragraph. After that, I really believe you can boost your score if you can make your overview better. You need to make it more attractive. For example,Overall, it is important to note that the school had absolutely located the most budget for earnings of teachers, while the csot for insurance had obtained the smallest part of outlay.
On the other hand, you should keep in your mind that the good paragraph is supposed to include at least 3 sentences. There were many paragpraphs which did not meet the requirement. Turning to your paragraph, your tended to list the data although your job in writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe sepaarately.
Hopefully, these suggestion can help you
Practicing more and more is the way to master this skill.