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Pie charts showing data on British students speaking additional languages


Truc02 1 / 1  
Jun 19, 2019   #1
Question:
The chart below shows the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


The proportion of multilingual students in England



My writing:
The pie charts illustrate data on British students being able to speak other languages besides English at one tertiary education over a decade since 2000.

Overall, it is clear that while the percentages of those who can speak Spanish, Another language, and Two other languages increased between 2000 and 2010, the opposite trend was true for those of students speaking French and No other language. Moreover, the group of Spanish speaking students was the largest during the given time period.

Looking at the charts more closely, in 2000, the percentage of students speaking Spanish accounted for a third of the total figure, which subsequently went up by 5% in 2010. Similarly, the proportions of bilingual, and multilingual students experienced a rise of 5% between these two years, from 15% to 20%, and 10% to 15% respectively.

In contrast, the percentage of French-speaking students dropped from one-fifth to 10% between 2000 and 2010. In the meantime, the figure for monolingual students declined by half.

The proportion of German-speaking students remained stable at 10% throughout the decade.




mphuonggg 2 / 4 1  
Jun 19, 2019   #2
In my opinion, u can use " In Detail" instead of " Looking at the chart more closely"
During the same time = In the meantime
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jun 19, 2019   #3
@Truc02
Hello there!

Welcome to the forum. Let me do my best to help you with this writing exercise.

First and foremost, I find that your writing is quite confusing. There are technical aspects that I wish you to take a glance at: structure, composition, grammar, and the flow. Notice how all these facets are intertwined, especially because you are working with such detailed content. When writing analytical essays such as this that are fundamentally reliant on the analysis and interpretation of a graph, these all become critical in cultivating the details of your essay.

Observe this revision:

Overall, it is clear that while the ... who can speak Spanish, Another language, as another language and Two with two other languages ... 2010,; the opposite ... French and No other language with no other language. Moreover, the group of Spanish speaking students was were the largest group during the given time period.

You may also want to outline, restructure, and move around the general flow of your content. For instance, the last portions of your essay were kind of sporadic when it came to dissecting the information. You may want to merge altogether those paragraphs to create a smoother appearance and direction for your writing.

Best of luck as always!
OP Truc02 1 / 1  
Jun 20, 2019   #4
@Maria
Hi Mara,

Thank you very much for your constructive feedback! It helps a lot. I really appreciate it.

Kind regards,
Truc


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