Unanswered [29] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


IELTS: Pizza, fish and chips consumed by Australian Teenagers


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 1, 2014   #1
The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

==================================================================================================

The line graph compares the amount of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia for three different meals, namely; pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers between 1957 and 2000.

It is clear that the consumption of fish and chips records as the highest number of eating times per year, while the amount of pizza consumed is the reverse in the first period. However, the consumption of fish and chips declines, although the amount of hamburgers and pizza consumed inclines dramatically over the period.

In 1975, the number of fish and chips consumed was the higher than hamburgers and pizza, at 100 times a year. However, the consumption of hamburgers increased dramatically from just under 20 times a year to 50 times a year between 1975 and 1980, a rise of around 30 times a year. In the year 1985, the number of consumed fish and chips, and hamburgers broke the same record by merely 90 times a year.

A closer look at the data reveals that the consumption of pizza and, fish and chips had the same figure in 1990, at just over 60 times a year. Exceeding, the number of pizza consumed remained reasonably stable by approximately 80 times a year between 1995 and 2000. It finished that the number of hamburgers consumed was in the same level as fish and chips began, with consumption at 100 times a year.



OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 2, 2014   #2
This is a very confusing sentence :( You need to rephrase this one!

However, the consumption of fish and chips declines, although the amount of hamburgers and pizza consumed inclines dramatically over the period.

How about this sentence, dumi? is it better than before?
By contrast, the total of fish and chips consumed declines, but both figures of hamburgers and pizza show the reverse over the period.
andial 21 / 48 3  
Jun 3, 2014   #3
Good morning experts or probably you read it at night :-)

It is clear that the consumption, while the amount of pizza consumed is the reverse in the first period . However, the consumption of fish and chips declines , although the amount of hamburgers and pizza consumed inclines dramatically over the period.

Even if using "it is clear that" is right grammatically, Using "overall" in this occasion is much better. It is because such expression is likely subjective.

What do you mean "first period" .. I suppose that you have to define what range of time you mean "the first period"

Be aware of tenses usage. It looks simple mistake but quite crucial in written english.. :-)

In 1975, the number of fish and chips consumed was the higher than hamburgers and pizza.

Comparative is not normally allowed by article.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 3, 2014   #4
Hai andial, thanks for your suggestion. I just try to imitate regarding sample answer writing task 1 band 9, but I often use "overall" as a sign of overview paragraph.

What do you mean "first period" .. I suppose that you have to define what range of time you mean "the first period"

ya, articles is the common mistake, when we are fighting with the time.
andial 21 / 48 3  
Jun 3, 2014   #5
Sorry Tia,

it has nothing to do with the article.:-)
I mean 'first period' here is not obvious enough whether you mean first half period or first quarter period.

However, I am particularly impressed on how you try to mention every single key feature on that chart. :-).. SALUTEEEEEE.. hehe


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Pizza, fish and chips consumed by Australian Teenagers
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳