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The place that I recommend in Taiwan

yiyunm6 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2018   #1

It's mountain Jade

I would like to describe a beautiful place to visit in Taiwan. It's mountain Jade. Taiwan has more than 100 mountains over 3000 kilometers and the highest one is Mountain Jade, which has 3952 kilometers. It is located in the middle of Taiwan, Nantou.

I visited there around 3 years ago. I took the train from Taipei to Nantou train station and stayed at Nantou city one night. The next day morning, I woke up at 7 to take the bus to the foot of the mountain at 10. Therefore, I started trekking for 5 hours to arrive at the mountainside. We had dinner and saw the thousands of stars in the sky. In addition, I was very lucky to see the galaxy and meteor shower at that night. On the third day, I woke up at 3 o'clock to achieve the peak and wait for sunrise.

The reasons that I recommended this place are it is the highest mountain in Taiwan and has the complete facilities. Moreover, you can see varied vegetations along the mountain.
daniel6shin 1 / 4  
Oct 18, 2018   #2
Great hook, but make this experience for stimulating and visual for the reader, talk about how you found beauty in the little things. Your whole account of the experience is too small for someone to be fully convinced or intrigued by Jade Mountain or Mountain Jade.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Oct 19, 2018   #3
@yiyunm6 this is not a very good descriptive essay. All you did was instruct the reader regarding how to get to Mount Jade. You did not actually entice the reader to visit the place because there was nothing in your description that captured the imagination of the reader. Your descriptions were mostly flat and one dimensional. You need to learn to create more vivid descriptions of the place. Don't make the experience sound like yo just copied it out of a tourist guide book. Convince the reader that you were actually at that place. Talk about what you enjoyed doing there and why. What made this a personal experience for you? What does the visit create a memorable vacation spot that you would recommend to others? Don't just tell the reader how to get there. Don't just give a brief description of the place that sounds like it came out of Wikipedia. Engage the imagination of the reader. Beg him to transport his thoughts to the place as you describe it. Make him want to experience the place. Only then will your recommendation be useful and properly descriptive in presentation.
nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Oct 21, 2018   #4
Dear @yiyunm6,

In describing a place, we need to encourage readers to feel the same as ours. As a reader, I need to know how the detail I can see at Mountain Jade. Is there any mountains in the surrounding? Or what kind of trees or flowers I can see on the top of the mountain? How about the weather? Can I see a clear blue sky from there? and so many other questions that can help you describe the place in a better way.

Good luck!

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