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The plans for a school's development within a 20 year period - diagrams/maps

MelindaLinda 2 / 4  
Sep 12, 2017   #1
The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.

School in the past and in the future

The diagrams depict the plans for a school's development within a 20 year period, 2004 to 2024.
Overall, alterations have been scheduled regarding the number of students, the buildings, the parking lot and the road, which will be increased. Contrariwise, the size of the sports field will be significantly smaller.

In 2004, the school consisted of two school buildings, separated by a path. On the north east side, there was a large sports field, while a parking lot and the main entrance can be seen on the north west. Additionally, a road on the south west led to the entrance and the parking area, whilst a considerable part of the site was covered by trees. The school was attended by 600 students that year.

Compared to the initial form of the school, an additional building will be constructed on the north east side of the other two buildings, while the size of the path will be smaller and will connect the first with the third building. One more parking station is planned to be made besides the third building, in conjunction with a longer road linking the two parking lots. As opposed to the mentioned developments, the sports field will be relocated to the north east side of the second parking and its shorter size will make space for more trees. Furthermore, the number of students will rise to 1000 in 2024.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,635 3478  
Sep 12, 2017   #2
Hi Melinda, this essay is pretty good. You have managed to properly discuss this essay in an acceptable manner. While there are two methods of discussing this essay, I will applaud your efforts in this presentation because it is obvious that you did your best to develop an impressive presentation for the examiner. You managed to cover all of the points that need to be presented and your presentation of the changes in the the area over 20 years is acceptable. Had I been instrumental in the writing of this essay though, I would have expanded the presentation of the information over 4 paragraphs so that I would have a better chance at developing a more complex and impressive discussion. I would have discussed the old layout in paragraph 2. Then I would present the changes as proposed in paragraph 3. Finally, I would have added information about how the size of the available open space would be reduced by the year 2024. That way, I would have presented a 4 paragraph essay. The 4 paragraph Task 1 essay represents the right amount of paragraphs and sentences / word count that could help you gain a higher final score. Don't get me wrong. You did a good job of representing the illustration in your essay. It just could have been better in my opinion. By the way, watch out for those tricky words when it comes to spelling and lexical resource. There is no such term as contrariwise. What you should have said was "On the contrary" or something along those lines instead.

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