IELTS TASK1. The plans show the change of a small theater in 2010 and 2012.

P/s: I'm a newbie here so I hope everyone could help me find out and fix my mistakes in my essay. If you could show me the band of my essay, it would be great. After all, thank you very much for spending time reading my essay <3 \^^/

the change of a small theater in 2010 and 2012

MY ESSAY.
The given picture compares the differences and transformations of a small cinema between 2010 and 2012.

Overall, it is obvious that the theater witnessed remarkable developments with more cutting-edge.
Looking at the picture in more detail, behind the auditorium, it experienced an expanding space with the relocating of the storage from the left to the right side in 2012. In addition, the media replaced the storage so as to give way for the hall's appearance while the theatre was upgraded with the building of the showers next to the media.

To the South part of the cinema, it was increased in size for the restaurants to emerge on the left-hand side in order to attract more customers. In 2012, the admin office was relocated near the auditorium and the ticket office was opposite the restaurant, where the cafe used to be located.

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There is a problem with this sentence structure as " picture" is singular, yet the related descriptions for the comparison are in plural form. This indicates that more than one picture will be involved in the review. singular references must be maintained in the presentation, and plural forms should also be maintained. singular and plural references cannot be used as a mix or alternatively in any sentence.


More cutting-edge what? Where is the additional description ? The sentence thought presentation is incomplete? Cutting-edge is meant to describe something ultra modern. since this is just a simple descriptive report, do not use exaggerated words in the description.

Expand the descriptive paragraphs to 3-5 single idea sentences to gain a better C+C score.

* Contact me privately for band scoring.

Cutting-edge is an adjective, so you cannot stop your sentence like that. Additionally, "cutting-edge" sounds belonging to a personal opinion, which is forbidden in writing task 1.