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TOEFL; Playing Computer games can have negative impact on society


ahmadeng 1 / -  
Jan 27, 2014   #1
The world is going to be developed rapidly and in order to play an effective role in this competitive world, the societies should try to create new technologies. One of these technologies is invention of computer games. Because of its appealing features, many people especially the smallest members of a family "children" are profoundly affected by these games. I believe playing these games continuously has negative impacts on children such as personal and social effects. The features of computer games and their impacts are going to be discussed in this essay.

As a matter of fact, the major and immediate effect of playing the computer games by children is the personal effect. In fact, playing these games is not entirely bad thing but it should be controlled by parents. The children should know that they could play computer games in their leisure time and in the rest of times, playing a computer games is waste of time. As I remember when I was a student in school, I was allowed to play computer games just only in summer and out of the school time and after beginning the new educational year I had to abandon playing the games. One of the profound impacts is the alternation in their traits and behaviors. They will show violent actions toward their family. New researches have displayed that deep and long concentration on the monitor of the computer will make sight problems and their health will undergo many problems.

From another aspect, the social effect is the second major effect of these games. These games disturb the concentration of the children and finally, they cannot study well at the school and they cannot decide reasonably for their future. Furthermore, they cannot communicate and contact toward their surroundings. Because, children who play computer games more than its standard and defined level, they will have a violent trait and they do not like to be with others and they like loneliness. On the other hand, the parents play a key role in these situations and they should be responsible for this abrupt change in their children. They should control their children and sometimes making some limitation would help to prevent these problems.

Consequently, although playing the computer games fill the leisure time of the children, but generally, the disadvantages of that overweigh the advantages.

indah_hai 19 / 38 4  
Jan 27, 2014   #2
Dear Ahmadeng,

Your essay is great.
I think there is one need conjunction after this sentence "The world is going to be developed rapidly and in order to play an effective role in this competitive world, and"

Good Job! -indah-
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Jan 27, 2014   #3
Hi Ahmadeng

after beginning the new educational year I had to abandon playing the games

after beginning the new educational year , I had to abandon playing the games

and I'll give yo a suggest, maybe you can use complex senteces if your sentence its too long because sometimes it makes confuse the reader.

like this one,

These games disturb the concentration of the children and finally, they cannot study well at the school and they cannot decide reasonably for their future. Furthermore, they cannot communicate and contact toward their surroundings

Good Luck!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 28, 2014   #4
I understand you are a newbie. So I'd like to tell you a few things that you need to follow when opening future threads. Have a more menaingful title (this one is attended by us). Also include your prompt in the essay for others to get a clear idea about what your prompt suggests. In this essay I cannot figure out what your prompt had asked and therefore I cannot check the alignment of what you wrote with the prompt :(
MelisaStewart - / 7  
Jan 31, 2014   #5
The fact that Playing Computer games can have negative impact on society, is really very surprising as in my mind I think the computer games are something which are very good source to freshen up the mind and are suppose to play in a friendly manner. I am afraid that how can the same threaten or put any negative impact on the society.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 2, 2014   #6
Well, this is a practice essay for TOEFL Issue essay and the writer has the freedom to choose any side of the argument. What we need to check when commenting on the essay is that whether it meets the task requirements, whether it has any grammar or vocabulary issues etc. There is no point in expressing our own opinion in the issue while commenting on TOEFL or IELTS tasks.
MelisaStewart - / 7  
Feb 3, 2014   #7
Now days, the computer games are not only fun but they also possess some significant features and all of all the knowledgeable aspects about the particular feature as well. Such a fine thread it is.


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