Is playing game just satisfied to our desire of entertainment?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Playing games teaches us about life.

Playing game offer us a safe environment to practice the skill of life in society. Some people may think playing game is just satisfied to our desire of entertainment, wasting a lot of time for life. However, in my opinion, playing game may be good for me to learn the sense of responsibility and respect.

First of all, the most important part of life is experience; by playing game, it not only help us to learn unfamiliar skill of life with security but also grant an opportunity to learn the sense of responsibility. For example, for winning a basketball game, being a leader needs to combine the suggestions from everyone, design the appropriate idea, and finally arrange distinct jobs for everyone. Besides, I try to analysis the diverse strategies from the same team. Based on this experience, playing a game push me to become brave and force me to have the sense of responsibility.

Second, the process of playing a basketball game, I also found that everyone has unique ability. That is to say, playing game grant people chance to think what kind of personality they have and help people to know oneself. For instance, losing a game, I started to become distressed, blame my partners, and feel tired about everything. Nonetheless, after discussing my teacher, I found that I need to learn how to appreciate others. Because of playing game, I know how to treat others with the attitude of respect.

Admittedly, playing game will sacrifice time to learn the knowledge from books. Nevertheless, I believe that the advantage of playing game to practice the skill of society overweight the disadvantage. After all, besides learning the sense of responsibility, playing game, at same time, teaches me how to treat others with respect.

Hi,
From my perspective , you should use more academic words to gain high band score. Moreover you should avoid repeat the word which you use already.

Hope it works!

Cheers.

Ryan, you seem to be discussing at least 2 different essay types in this presentation, without really hitting a main point. I am saddened by the fact that you chose not to upload the complete instructions for the prompt along with your essay. I mean the original prompt requirement, because that would have helped me to better understand and analyze the mistakes that you made in the essay. As it is, I cannot figure out what actual discussion format you were supposed to use. Was it an agree or disagree essay or an advantage / disadvantage essay? Each essay has a different discussion approach that cannot be combined into one presentation. Even if you were to submit the original prompt now, I would no longer able to come back to advice you. So don't bother doing that. Just post a new essay and this time, remember to include the original prompt so that a proper assessment and applicable advice can be given to you.