Hey there, I would really appreciate it someone can edit this and provide me with some feedback.
It's on this poem:
The Possibilities of Invention
My first pair of glasses were pink plastic frosted frames.
I wore them bravely throughout seventh grade
until i got braces.
Then I switched to metal--small oval granny rims
that clashed with the Mexican silver neck rings
I would around my neck.
I seemed to need the armor,
a girl with good eyes but poor vision,
I could see what others couldn't:
the treachery of cheerleaders
rallying the masses to their cause,
the popular elections rigged
by petty dictators who demanded
conformity even from the lowliest worm burrowed in books.
A correctable situation.
Nothing terminal.
The optometrist pronounced
when the big letter E got swallowed
into the white wall of his office
and the optometrist himself,
in a blizzard of light,
loomed like the Abominable Snowman
and I couldn't see my own ten fingers
stretched out in front of me.
Near-sighted, I wanted to see far,
beyond the static chatter
cluttering my view.
But distance was destroyed
without the curved aid of glass
ground and measured to guide in
the correct path of light.
A path framed in frosted pink plastic
I was prescribed to follow.
I preferred the whirling blur
of the nearly blind--
was it legal?--
the stunning dizziness I achieved
when I lost the clear evidence of things material
to edges that merged and gave off
dangerous smoke: the possibilities of invention.
Shapes shifted so that the familiar
opened bright holes that let in all the light.
Rivalry between forms diminished.
Clouds revealed their identity
only when I chose to touch them
or reluctantly put on my glasses--
when burnished liquor of fur became wood,
a table and chair;
when a column of chilled air
became glass, a common vase;
when the phenomenon in the mirror
yielded disappointment--
my own stunning unspectacular face.
-Cathy Song
Phew, long poem, here is my response/essay:
It's more like a literary paragraph.
Truth of the Naked Eye
"The Possibilities of Invention," by Cathy Song uses symbolism to develop the characteristics of the speaker, as well as her conflict. First, the speaker states that her "first pair of glasses were pink plastic frosted frames," (1) which symbolize the truth that she scrutinizes her life. It also connotes childhood as it's "cute." Second, the speaker switches to "small oval granny rims" (7), undergoing a transformation, she seemed to "need the armor." (7) Metaphorically speaking, the armor gives the speaker a broader and a deeper perspective, allowing her to see things above, and beyond the sight of others such as when she can see "the treachery of cheerleaders." (10) Finally, her desire to "see far" (25) is an internal conflict that symbolizes obstacles and is fighting with herself. The theme is that sometimes the truth cannot be seen by the naked eye but only by the ________________ (I have no idea how to finish that; help?) Evidence here. Another theme is that "obstacles are another way of motivating you and accomplishing what you want even more. As the speaker struggles with herself, the obstacle she encounters gives her more courage to accomplish the thing she wants-which is her desire to see. In conclusion, the "Possibilities of Invention," by Cathy Song uses symbolism to develop the characteristics of the speaker as well as her conflict.
Any help is highly appreciated. Thanks a lot. Especially my thesis and conclusion. The always seem to be weak. Thanks again.
Greetings!
I'd be happy to give you some help with your essay. I think you've done a good job of analyzing the poem! I have a few suggestions to help with editing and content.
I worked on your thesis and dug a little deeper; what do you think?:
The "Possibilities of Invention," by Cathy Song uses symbolism to reveal the inner conflict created by her struggle to fit into a world where appearance is everything, and her knowledge that she sees more clearly than those with perfect eyesight.
A thesis which is too vague or general can come across as rather generic, so I went beyond the fact that she had "conflict" and told what that conflict was.
Some more editing suggestions:
"which symbolize the truth that she scrutinizes her life." - this sounds like it has a word missing...? I'm not sure what you meant to say here--"in her life" perhaps?
Second, the speaker switches to "small oval granny rims" (7), undergoing a transformation, she seemed to "need the armor." - a run-on sentence. Put either a period or a semicolon after "transformation."
The theme is that sometimes the truth cannot be seen by the naked eye but only by the inner soul (or spirit). - Just a thought!
Evidence here. - I'm not sure what this was, but I don't think you need it.
Good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Greetings!
I did respond to your poetry post today, but I had already called it a night by the time you posted that. I hope my comments will be helpful in some way, even if a bit too late for your deadline. Our policy is to do our best to respond to posts within 24 hours.
Good luck!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
