Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

[IELTS]a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate


jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Aug 31, 2011   #1
Some people think a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, increasing crime rate aroused public horizon. Some people attribute this tendency to large number of policemen carrying guns in the street when executing assignment. However, from my perspective, I believe there are more other factors affect this phenomenon rather than the secondary cause that too many police forces with guns. There are two principal reasons for this.

First of all, there is one significant reason why the crime rate has not been a slope down that is economic depression. Some people who have lived in ease and comfort are confronting with unemployment. If they cannot land a job for a long period of time, for example half a year or longer more, they more easily tend to commit crimes due to poverty. Such severe problem should arouse government attention and take effective measures to help these poor people. Therefore, I believe whether a police force carrying guns or not, it is just a surface phenomenon, but economic depression bring living standard decrease and poverty is the most pivotal issue.

Secondly, it is indispensable to police carrying weapon to execute assignment. In fact, it lead to the offenders have a sense of horizon not committing impulse. If police without weapon, it would hard to prevent public when offenders are committing crimes. Hence, a police force carrying guns will not increase the crime rate; on the contrary, it can ascend the detection rate in some circumstance.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the reason for crime rate rise is not policemen carrying weapon. Public should confident in police and relieve the horizon about policemen with guns and government should find out effective measures to reduce the crime rate.

Please help me to check it.Thank you.

marucat 3 / 9  
Sep 1, 2011   #2
Secondly, it is indispensable tofor police to carrying weapon to execute assignment.

Not sure whether it is better...
abc1400 17 / 32  
Sep 1, 2011   #3
I think it is better to change you the bellow sentence :
If police without weapon, it would hard to prevent public when offenders are committing crimes.--> If a police officer do not carry a weapon, it would hard to prevent public when offenders are committing crimes.
shahdad 7 / 17  
Sep 2, 2011   #4
I am not a expert but for IELTS they look very closely on your structure,maybe you better epand your conclusion and measured all of your paragraph or maybe put 3 paragraph in the body. It is just a suggestion.


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS]a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate