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My political essay on the corrupt release of government information.


Greg555x 2 / 2  
Dec 12, 2010   #1
Satisfaction of a Madman

There is an organization which poses a threat to the United States and may possibly cause millions of deaths. This threat is known as WikiLeaks, founded by Julian Assange. Although the United States is targeted by this foul prestige, it also affects many countries and civilians world-wide. This will only further throw the world political balance off track, considering the fact that the world is already in an economic crisis as it is. Several reasons indicate the tragic influence this "monster" has on society. Three critical effects that releasing government information would have on society would be the political pressure of every-day life, the provoked terrorism and aggression of other countries, and the bashing on our outlook of the government.

Political pressure seems to be putting the United States citizens on edge. Organizations that are releasing secret government information are basically promoting foreigners to put the country under the magnifying glass. Basically anyone with a computer has access to millions of otherwise confidential reports and articles. Instantly the information spread to many websites, such as Facebook.com, Myspace.com, and even through videos on Youtube.com. Other organizations such as Amazon.com denied the spreading of the leaks through its domain. "Amazon.com severed its ties with WikiLeaks, to which it was providing infrastructure services, after an intervention by an aide of U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman. Amazon denied acting under political pressure citing a violation of its terms of service." (Wikipedia). This not only proves political pressure, but also designates recognition of hostile or terrorist aggravation.

Aggressive terrorism is the last thing the United States needs. This is an aspect Wikileaks promotes which also attempts to turn American citizans against its own government. The real problem happens to lie within other countries. Based on the war the United States has purged Afghanistan of conflicting terrorism, and our control over terrorism in that region is keeping countries such as Al Queda at bay. (Jones). If this is to be compromised through juvenile acts, such as releasing classified videos from the war, Americans may face worsened foreign aggression.

How people look upon the government as its guide and structure of law is very important to a society. "To be clear -- such disclosures put at risk our diplomats, intelligence professionals, and people around the world who come to the United States for assistance in promoting democracy and open government. These documents also may include named individuals who in many cases live and work under oppressive regimes and who are trying to create more open and free societies." (Press Secretary). With the Wikileaks free to roam and upload crucial information, it destroys the political view of the citizens. Once this image is destroyed then people will lose hope, faith, and unity for the United States. People shouldn't underestimate the severity of the issue, because it impacts each and every person in the world.

The world's political balance will be flipped upside down if Organizations including Wikileaks are able to continue releasing confidential government information. This Information is better known only to the officials who are authorized to know these things. The primary reason of these documents's release could only be tyrannical.

Please verify any incorect areas, especially my thesis. The title is based upon the person Julian Assange. I wrote this in about 45 minutes trying my hardest to keep it under 550 words and putting much thought into it. This is my final exam.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Dec 19, 2010   #2
Facebook.com

Is it necessary to add the dot com part? I mean everyone knows about Facebook, Myspace and such stuff.

Typo here: promotes which also attempts to turn American citizans against its own

(Jones)

I think you forgot to give the punctuation marks (i.e. quotes). Right now it looks like you are making an assertion in the third paragraph.

No capitalisation required here: Organizations

Overall, I think you made some good points. However, I found it hard to discern your perspective while writing this essay. Did you write it from an American perspective or taking the world as a whole? Since you haven't included the prompt, it is unclear what your essay should have been like. If the title of this thread is the prompt, then I think you should stick to one perspective.

For example, a scenario which is applicable to the US may not apply to some other country. In this essay you are using the world and the US interchangeably, which may not be appropriate.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 22, 2010   #3
the tragic influence this "monster" has on society.

If you put "monster" in quotes, it seems like you are actually mocking the idea that he is a monster and trying to undermine it.

the political pressure of every-day life, I think this one should be expressed differently... does not make sense...
the provoked terrorism and aggression of other countries, and the bashing on our outlook of the government. ---these are pretty clear, though.

If you are using MLA, you do not need a period before the parenthetical reference:
our control over terrorism in that region is keeping countries such as Al Queda at bay (Jones). (also, Al Qaeda is spelled with 2 a's, and it is not a country.)

juvenile acts, such as releasing classified videos from the war--- I saw the famous video to which you are referring, and it showed unarmed civilians being gunned down. One soldier said "Light 'em up," and the other soldier started shooting the innocent civilians.

This is a very one sided argument, and it does not really offer much useful information. You should cite at least 5 articles about Wikileaks. Recent articles.

MOST importantly, you should discuss the arguments made in favor of Wikileaks' mission. Clearly, the world is divided over this issue, and many arguments are made for both sides. This is the kind of essay that MUST refute the counter-argument if it is to be persuasive.

:-)


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