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Pollution and countries development - IELTS - Writing Task 2


forsil 5  
May 6, 2018   #1

development correlation with environmental issues



"Pollution and other environmental problems are resulting from the way that many countries are developing and becoming richer. Some think this cannot be avoided. To what extent do you agree or disagree?" (min 250 world)

In the modern world pollution is a relevant issue that affect both environment and our health. The issue has been largely debated among civilized countries since it is always has been linked to the industrial development. Indeed, some people believe that this is an unavoidable consequence of progress.

On the one hand, it is certainly true that pollution historically increased in countries that have experienced a growth. For instance, the 18th century Industrial Revolution in Europe was remembered not only for the increase of average population income but also for the increase of breathing deseas due to air pollution. Looking at more recent example, China has experienced a double-digit growth in last years but in parallel it has been considered the primary responsible for the ozon hole in the second millenium.

Nevertheless, it is important to not forget what innovation has done for improving the condition of polluted air, water and soil. Indeed, if it is possible now to drive an electric car, to have biodegradable materials or to produce energy with wind it is only thanks to the development in richer countries. Therefore, there are now some countries, such as Norway or Finland, that could be considered among the richest of the world but that register low levels of pollution.

All in all, I believe that even if the past development was always correlated with increasing environmental issues, now it is possible to put in place some actions to this. However, this will be possible only with collaboration among countries already developed and developing countries: the former should made available new technologies to the latter.

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It will be helpful if you could provide some feedback regarding grammar, essay accuracy and coherence, vocabulary variety, etc.

Many thanks,

S

so11123  
May 7, 2018   #2
... issue that affectsboth the environment...
... debated among civilized(maybe using developed is better)countries since ...
i think you should state your thesis strongly by using in my opinion, i disagress or agree and state the reason with clear and strong points.

... in countries that hasexperienced a growth. ...
put more elaborations in this paragraph
Holt [Contributor] 1595  
May 7, 2018   #3
Sil, I will not score you for your work on this essay at this time. The reason that I cannot score your essay is because you have not properly responded to the prompt question. This is an extent essay. That means you need to use emotional connotations for your response stemming from a range of emotional measurements like "strongly, weakly, partially, totally, moderately" and other descriptive words that you can attach to "agree or disagree". What you did in this essay is, you introduced a topic that included that isn't in the original prompt (health) and then you introduced a thesis statement that did not provide an extent singular opinion, which is what this sort of essay requires. If you decided to present a sentiment that mentioned the term "partially", then you could have done a 2 personal 2 opinion discussion. In this current form though, the essay is in prompt deviation mode. That means, you are not discussing the original prompt in the manner indicated. This will either receive a partial score which is not passing, or a full failing score because of it. That is why I do not want to score this essay. I want to give you another chance, using another topic for discussion but using the same discussion instruction, written properly, to present to me for scoring.
OP forsil 5  
May 7, 2018   #4
Thank you Holt, I have now searched how to structure different typologies of Writing Task 2 in IELTS and it is more clear to me how to respond to "To what extent do you agree or disagree?". I will try as soon as I have time to write down another essay.

Many thanks for your availability.

@so11123
Thank you also for your help


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