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IELTS: more and more pollution and waste are created everyday


leoking 7 / 24 1  
Oct 14, 2013   #1
this is the question: more and more pollution and waste are created everyday. what problems does this cause to ordinary people?

the most two common consequences of increasing environmental pollution are healthy problem and life quality with regarding to ordinary peoples' life. For one thing, residents could suffer from water-related disease by drinking contaminated water. After drinking the polluted water, it may give rise to healthy problem such as diarrhea or fever. Due to the illness of pollution related, ordinary people are unable to perform their jobs and studies smoothly. For another, as pollution become increasingly serve,people may naturally tend to move in eco-friendly areas. in that case, it will have a financial burden and time waste on ordinary people, since they have to invest extra money on settling the new living environment and the time consume on addressing job related issue. As a result, putting a great deal of energy on migration makes individuals feel their life quality deprived.

PS: i repeated ordinary people many times, is there any other expression to that. also i used word'people' many times as well.

eventzkaze 1 / 4  
Oct 14, 2013   #2
by increasing the pollution the life span of a human being has been decreased and also given the birth to many new disease in this word
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 14, 2013   #3
I think you need to improve your essay structure. You at least need four paragraphs for this task. They should include Introduction, 2 Body paragraphs (minimum) and Conclusion. This is the structure I generally suggest for this task ;
OP leoking 7 / 24 1  
Oct 15, 2013   #4
this is just one of the paragraph, i am practicing coherence, try to make each sentence support my topic sentence.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 15, 2013   #5
OK ... I got it now :)
the The most two common consequences of increasing environmental pollution are healthy problemhealth problems and deteriorating life quality with regarding to ordinary peoples' life .... the latter part does not make much sense :(

Well, it is important that you mention this is which paragraph. Is it the introduction? body paragraph? or the conclusion?
OP leoking 7 / 24 1  
Oct 15, 2013   #6
this is one of the body paragraph, i try to explain what problem that pollution can affect peoples' life quality.

also thanks for change the word "deteriorating " i will use this word next time:)
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Oct 15, 2013   #7
As this is one of your body paragraph, I think you should focus on one consequence of pollution and waste. For example, you can choose health-related problems for this paragraph and deterioration of life quality for the other paragraph.

For one thing, residents could suffer from water-related disease by drinking contaminated water. After drinking the polluted water, it may give rise to healthy problem such as diarrhea or fever.

You can merge these two sentences: For instance, residents could suffer from water-related diseases due to drinking contaminated water, such as diarrhea or fever.

For another

In addition

As a result, putting a great deal of energy on migration makes individuals feel their life quality deprived.

This is not convincing enough and I feel that it is irrelevant to the aforementioned things.
Hope this helps!


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