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My poor diet - need help with grammar and sentences!

duyendang1012 1 / -  
Mar 19, 2020   #1

My eating habits

I don't have a balanced diet. I eat too much in some days, and suddenly eat less in other days. My meals have poor diet. It's quite much fat and protein, lack of vitamins, fruits and vegetables. I eat KFC more than 4 times a month. I love the flavor, sauce and the taste of it. The chicken meat is my favorite. I've never been on a diet, because I don't know much about what kind of diet I should choose, and I can't manage my hunger of food.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 20, 2020   #2
Was the instruction for this exercise to have you write a statement only? The reason I ask is because the topic you were given could have very well been extended to a 3-5 paragraph essay instead of this compressed and under developed statement. You have several topic sentences included, but none of these are properly developed to explain your eating habit. Neither do you clearly explain why you have this eating habit and why you are comfortable with it. Anyway, if you were just asked to write a statement, then this is sufficient. There are however, several errors that need to be pointed out.

I will assume that you studying English to as a part of your IELTS preparation. In which case, you need to be conscious of the difference in spelling when it comes to American and British variations of certain words (flavor = flavour, favorite = favourite). Being conscious of these spelling differences could really mean the difference between an impressive and an average LR score in the future.

While you are learning to write in academic British English, or even American English for that matter, you need to avoid writing in contractions (I'm = I am, I've = I have, don't = do not, It's = It is, can't = cannot). Academic writing requires a higher sense of writing formality that contractions do not offer. Contractions are used in informal writing and creative writing tasks. It is never found in an academically slanted paper / writing style.

Your writing requires that you use an Oxford comma when writing a series of related items, before coming to its end (flavor , sauce, fruits , and vegetables). Just remember, use the Oxford comma after the word "and" in a series of connected word representations.

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