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La Da 1 / 1  
Aug 5, 2022   #1

What kids enjoyed doing the most in 2007?

Topic: The graph below shows information about the activities that Australian and New Zealand children enjoy doing the most in 2007.

As we can see the bar chart delineates the data about the favourite recreational pursuits of children in two nation, namely Australians and New Zealanders in 2007. Overall, the Austrailian youths were keen on outdoor activites. In contrast, New Zealanders were more interested in indoors.

For the Australians youths, sports was the most popular activities which accounted for about 20% of Austrilians. Followed after was the the proportions of children who was enjoy visited the park with a quarter of Australians. Next, 3 out of 20 Australians were keen on playing computer games and watching DVDs. Finally, the lowest percentages of children who were enthused in reading and art and crafts, which accounted for 10% and 7% respectively.

Turn to the New Zealanders, children tended to enjoy art and craft, which accounted for 25 % of them. Followed after were children who liked to read books and watching, which each accounted for about 17% and then was children who liked to play games on computer with approximately 15%. Finally, the lowest proportion of children enjoyed outdoor activities which accounted for more than 10%.

hi, i currently try to learn ielts writing. Can you help me check my writing pls. you a lot <3
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15048 4830  
Aug 5, 2022   #2
A lack of familiarity with sentence formation, grammar rules, and word usage are the most observable problems that the writer has with this presentation. While he shows that he understands the requirements of the task, he does not know how to properly execute the discussion. This unfamiliarity has led to the score reducing problems of this presentation.

While the summary overview is along the correct line, he made a reference to having the reader look at the image, a reader instruction that should never be indicated as the assumption for this task is that the reader does not have a copy of the image and as such, cannot be asked to refer to the image for any reaosn. The report must be a direct representation of the data instead. There is also a lack of proper measurement identification within the summary or trending statement that left the short form of important information incomplete for the reader.

With regards to word usage and reference, the writer needs to tell the difference between the country and the citizens of the country. He incorrectly referred to the citizens of the country in the summary where the countries should have been indicated. This caused an error in sentence formation which will lead to further deductions.

The reader will definitely be confused by the assorted measurement referencing in the reporting paragraphs. The writer must used the image data as presented. So if it was presented in percentages, he must present the same uniformly to avoid confusing the reader as the assorted measurement references reduces the clarity and understandability of the analysis.
OP La Da 1 / 1  
Aug 5, 2022   #3
I apologize for not giving a graph of the data. Thanks for your feedback

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