It's popular for teenagers to travel or to work for a year before studying into next level

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.

Trips between learning at a university

Nowadays, it's popular for teenagers to travel or to work for a year before studying into next level. Even though it is a common activity, there are some advantages and disadvantages in my point of view.

First, I think young people apply a part-time job or take a trip around the world or in domestic. It is a great chance for these people to learn the experience before stepping into a society, and to be independent without their parents' help. For example, I had a job when I was 18. I was a home teacher to educate some children of neighbors. It was the first time I realize that how challenged is to communicate with a child. They were annoying and non-well disciplined. After I finished this job, I was admired those child educators. I also appreciated how my parents are patient to teach me.

On the other hand, there are some concerns that should be considered carefully. The safety,the expense, and the difficulty of a travel, and the qualification,the danger, and own interest of a job are all the factors young people should think about. In the sense that young people may not have enough experience to tel a job is whether illicit or have fair treatment. Some young people are exploited by employers without being aware of or even involve in some illegal events due to the difference of each country.

In short words, if someone is well-prepared and well-evaluated one's capability, to travel or to work would be a amazing experience of life for adolescents.

Ho, I believe that you can score an overall 5 in this essay. That is because you have made sufficient use of cohesive devices, delivered a somewhat coherent thought process, and responded to the task accurately using acceptable simple sentences and words. While there may be a problem with your grammar accuracy, your errors in grammar did not hinder the reader's understanding of the explanations that you delivered in every paragraph. There is a slight inaccuracy in the way that you paraphrased the prompt but the end result still contained the essence of the original discussion point so it is an acceptable enough paraphrasing of the original topic. While you did write more than the 250 words, I feel like you should have written at least three hundred words in order to have presented a more accurate summary and recap of the previously provided information in the closing paragraph.

Hello Ho
I have some suggestions to improve your writing:
-Check your spelling and grammar before submiting your writing, read it again carefully or use the checking of MS Word.
-Sometimes your word choice is inaccurate or unnatural.
common activity tendency
learn gain/ earn the experience
....
I recommend you to read more sample essay and note the way they combine words.
-The prompt ask to suggest advantages but you only mentioned one in the first body paragraph. And I do think it would be more convincible if you had offered more ideas.

Good luck :D

Hi...
I would like give you the suggestions for improve your essay

First, I think young people apply (apply for) a part-time job or take a trip around the world or in domestic. The phrase following the intransitive verb apply seems to be missing a preposition. Consider adding one.

Some young people are exploited by employers without being aware of or even involve in some illegal events due to the difference of (difference in) each country. It appears that of is not the right preposition to use in this context. Consider changing it.

Thank you

Hi
The introduction paragraph must clearly state the argument,both sides of it.
Dont simply copy the topic from the instructions, write it in other words.

Hi, I would like to advice you read again the topic title. as here It asks you to Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to take a break between high school and University studies. You described well the advantage but there is a lack of disadvantage of taking the break after high school in your essay, like for example, the students may not show interest anymore in higher studies, and they will end up working in the same sector and giving up on they dreams and the career.

You can write that they can get first hand experience of the society rather than somebody else sharing their experiences to educate them. This can help the students/ children have a better understanding of lessons of life.