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Writing IELTS task 2 - The popularity of mobile phone

lhmils 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2020   #1

benefits and drawbacks OF mobile phones popularity

In today's world, the popularity of mobile phones is a matter of concern to many people. From my point of view, this phenomenon could be both positive and negative.

On the one hand, the mobile phone is one of the most integral parts of a space-aged environment. One of the most frequently used functions of this device is to announce emergency information, which is essential in infectious disease situations. For example, in the Covid-19 situation, the government of Vietnam now encourages citizens to install NCOVI app on their phone in order to update the news related to the outbreak of Coronavirus. That significantly helps the government to reduce the number of COVID-positive people in Vietnam. Therefore, mobile phones are certainly needed in up-to-date society.

On the other hand, the widespread use of this device could bring many negative aspects, especially in education. To put it in another way, the easy access to the Internet of this technology leads to the fact that students use this device to cheat in their exams. According to the new national survey of 2000 middle and high school students in the US, more than a third of teens with cell phones (35 per cent) say they have used their phones at least once to cheat during a test and half (52 per cent) say they have used the Internet to cheat. As a result, the negative impact of this device should not be overlooked.

Given the aforementioned points, it is obvious that the popularity of mobile phones could bring about both benefits and drawbacks to our life. Hence, I would say that this situation is both a positive and negative development.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,981 3867  
Aug 14, 2020   #2
If the discussion question asks: "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" you cannot say that the topic is both a positive and a negative. The instruction, using the word "or" asks you to pick one of the two sides to defend in the essay. Why should this essay be discussed from a singular point of view? The word "or" is what made it a singular discussion. The connecting word "or" has a specific function within the question. The use of the word indicates " otherwise". "Otherwise" refers to "in other or different circumstances". As you can see, the definition of the word "or" creates the opening for a singular opinion discussion. It is not a comparison essay. There cannot be 2 opinions discussed in this essay. All that will tell the reviewer is that there is no set opinion on your end. You did not understand the discussion instructions. It is either you believe it is totally positive or, it is totally negative, there is "equal" discussion instruction. That is not what was indicated in the original prompt. Therefore, your essay will be seen as not having a clear opinion, significant point deductions in the TA section, which can result in a below passing score for your essay.
QuocHuu 7 / 14  
Aug 14, 2020   #3
Correct me if i'm not right
1- Your introduction part is too short,you should add a sentence more to support your general idea ''In today .....people''.
- I think you should show the examiner your bias. If you want to discuss both you may say '' i agree with......but''
2- I think you should try giving a more common and well-known examples : like its conviniences :entertaining, studying,working,communicating,etc... rather than annoucing news.

- It would probably more convincing if you give more than 1 example and also this'll extend your essay ( your work to me is a litle bit short, the roughly limit to get good point should be 300 words).

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