Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Ielts task 1: The population and its birth rate and death rates in an area in the UK.


Minh2903 6 / 13 3  
Aug 16, 2018   #1

population size in the uk over three centuries



The bar charts indicate the size of the population in a particular region in the UK and the corresponding fertility rates together with mortality rates from 1700 to 2000.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the regional population in the UK on 100 years comparison point commencing from 1700. It is also noteworthy that the birth rates were generally higher than the death rates over the same period.

According to the first graph, in 1700, the population density stood at just above 1.5 million, and gradually increased by equally 1 million every century, reaching a peak of 4.5 million in 2000, which was twice as much as at the start of the period.

In the second graph, the birth rate was initially recorded at above 40%, while the death rate was slightly lower at about 35%. In the following century, the percentages of born and dead people dramatically went up to the highest point at about 65% and 45%, respectively. Both figures saw sudden declines in 1900. Throughout the remaining time, the birth rate experienced a slight recovery to nearly 60%, whereas the death rate declined significantly to the bottom of nearly 30%.

PS: Would you mind evaluate my IELTS essay to see whether my score is around 6.0-6.5? Thank you so much in advance.



tamcsp 1 / 3  
Aug 16, 2018   #2
Hi Minh,

Your vocab range is varied enough for a 6.0 I think. So is your grammar.

There are some wordings I would like to change/ clarify:
The phrases regional population on 100 years comparison point can be quite confusing. You can change the former into "the number of inhabitants in millions" (since you have mention "one particular region" in the intro. As with the latter, I have a hard time figuring out what you want to say.

In the 3rd paragraph, the logic isn't quite right:
"The percentages of born and dead ...". What you have been talking about is the "rate", not the number/ percentage of people so please be careful.

Good luck with the next draft!


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1: The population and its birth rate and death rates in an area in the UK.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳