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IELTS TASK1 - Population changes in three countries


ronia85516 10 / 20 3  
Nov 5, 2018   #1
Hello, please give me some advice and help me with improving my writing skills, thanks a lot!!

Fast aging population



The line chart below shows the percentage of population aged under 5 years old and aged 65 years old or above in the world since 1940 with projections until 2040.

ESSAY

The given line chart illustrates the increasing population aged 65 years old or above and aged under 5 years old in three countries between 1940 and 2040.

Generally, the population of the USA, Sweden, and Japan all boost from 5-10% in 1940 to 20-30% in 2040. We can see a significant change in the ranking for the percentage of these three countries.

As observed, the USA is in the first place of the population of children and elderlies at the percentage around 10% while Sweden and Japan ran the next two place in roughly 7% and 5%. On contrary, there's a large change of population in 2040 with the highest percentage of the population which is approximately 27% in Japan. The percentage in the USA turns out to be the least at about 23%, and the population in Sweden is slightly higher at 25%.

Obviously, these three countries have different increasing extent from 1940-2040. There was little variation of the population between 0-5% from 1940 to 2000 in Japan and meets a huge boost at 2030 respectively. For the USA, the percentage remains from 1980 to 2020 at 15%, then increases gradually in the next two decades until 2040. Apart from the other two countries, Sweden has a stable extension of the population as a step-growth from 1940 to 2040.




Hammy 13 / 35  
Nov 5, 2018   #2
i recognise your problems about using tense. For example, in 2040=> future tense
besides, the bodies of your essay, it's quiet complex, you should divide into 2 parts to analyse such as the beginning point of line to the middle (the place has significant change) is the first graph and the rest is the second
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,840 2631  
Nov 6, 2018   #3
Ronia, when you write the task 1 essay, make sure that your overview summary contains complete summarized information. In this instance, you should not have included the names of the countries in the trending statement. It should have been introduced with the type of graph, purpose of the graph, measurement type, years indicated, and the discussion instruction.

It also appears that you are not yet familiar enough with the types of tense usage in the written form. This essay goes from past to present tense, based upon the information from the graph. Any information presented from the year 2020 and above should be in future form while information from 1940 to 2000 must be presented in past tense. It is easy to remember, anything that has yet to take place uses the future tense, anything that has already happened takes the past presentation form.

Forgetting these errors in your presentation, it is safe to say that you at least showed an understanding of the image you were provided with. However, your discussion could have been improved if you had remembered to specifically discuss the overlapping points in the graph that represent a period when the same data will be collected for at least 2 of the 3 countries. The often occurred in the graph and would have made for excellent comparison point discussions if you had remembered to do that based on the given instruction.
OP ronia85516 10 / 20 3  
Nov 12, 2018   #4
@Hammy
@Holt
Thanks a lot for your suggestions.
I will try to be cautious about my tense using and continue practicing to write a well-developed comparison!


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