Home / Writing Feedback   ✓ % width Posts: 5

IELTS Task 1 : Population figures in Japan

Jan 20, 2014   #1
The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisond where relevant

The graph and table illustrate information regarding population growth and the proportion of the society over 65s over a 100-year period in Land of Rising Sun.

In general, it can be seen from the graph that the number of Japan's population have fluctuated from 1955 to 2055, while based on the prediction the percentage of older people will widen substantially in the end of 2055.

Turning to the graph presents Japan's general population figures in 1950 started on nearly 85 million and countinued a sharp increase in 1955 onwards, but the number of population had begun a sharply decrease from 2005 to 2055. Standing in contrast, only 4.9% (41 million) of these people were well over the age of 65. Over a 55-year period the percentage of ageing had risen dramatically to 20 percent, while in the same time the number of population had depicted a parallel rise to by 128 million.

A more detailed look at the chart reveals the number of population sat a peak in 2005. However, the number of older people living in Japan will grow ironically to 37.2 million (34%) in 2035. Moreover, this figure will continue at a faster rate so that by 2055, 41 percent (36.5 million) of Japan people will be over 65s.

Clearly, by comparison give information two contrasting trends in Land of Rising Sun between the number of population and the greater number of elderly people.

Serapke 8 / 14
Jan 21, 2014   #2
To be honest, I found your essay to be very hard to read. Some sentences are just too long. You should separate them.

Turning to the graph presents Japan's general population figures in 1950 started on nearly 85 million and countinued a sharp increase in 1955 onwards, but the number of population had begun a sharply decrease from 2005 to 2055

Clearly, by comparison give information two contrasting trends in Land of Rising Sun between the number of population and the greater number of elderly people.

You conclusion is quite a mess. I can't even find a predicate in this sentence. I advise you to revise how English sentences are constructed.
Praewa 1 / 2
Jan 21, 2014   #3
I think your sentences is too long. You can cut them to short sentences, it easy to read and good for your grammar.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52
Jan 21, 2014   #4
Turning to the graph presents Japan's general population figures in 1950 started on nearly 85 million and countinued a sharp increase in 1955 onwards, but the number of population had begun a sharply decrease from 2005 to 2055

Well i have a grammatical errors : Turning to the graph presents that Japan's general population figures in 1950 started on nearly 85 million and countinued a sharp increase in 1955 onwards, but the number of population had begun a sharply decrease from 2005 to 2055.

Thanks for your correction, but i'm trying to improve my grammar skill, so i decided to use complex grammar in each sentence.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592
Jan 21, 2014   #5
Thanks for your correction, but i'm trying to improve my grammar skill, so i decided to use complex grammar in each sentence.

It's good for putting effort to improve your grammar by constructing more complex sentences. However, for this task, what you need more is clear and concise sentences that report your visual observations. Since these observations deal with too much data and statistics, lengthening your sentences is not a very good idea. What you present should be more comprehensible to the reader.

 Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Population figures in Japan