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Population Growth (in billions) - India and China from 2000 until 2050


samuelsiregart 1 / 1 1  
Aug 29, 2017   #1

different acceleration of growth in india and china



The given line graph reaveals a vary greatly data which is illustrating on Population Growth in India and China. The eye-catching infromation is in 2050 that has the highest amount of total inhabitants who stay in India - 1.600 billions people. In other side, the highest peak in Chine is approximately only 1.400 billions. Its quite strange in some point because of several reason that will be given in the following paragraph.

First and foremost, starting point of total population in India is between 1.300 and 1.200 billions people and is going to upside-down in the next term of graph. The peak point of the chart is on near 2030. After the highest point, it will deescalate until the end of the line.

Plenty different with previous, India got starting point in 20th century is yet 1000 of citizen-approximately a quarter less than China. In the future, the nominal exponentially raise. Generally, there is no turning point at the graph which means constantly upscale.

The interesting point that take note is the crossi-section between India and China in the 2030 which has nominal at 1.450 people.




Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 29, 2017   #2
Samuel, you show a clear confusion in your approach to this essay. You tried to combine the two writing methods related to tasks 1 and 2 specifically in what should be only an analytical essay. This has resulted in an essay that should never be submitted for scoring because you will not get a passing score. There are a number of problems with the essay that you need to address in order to create a better version of this current work that you created.

The first problem, is that your opening statement is nor really a summary, neither is it a paraphrasing of the prompt requirements. You did a direct discussion of the given facts without properly introducing the discussion topics and its related information in an acceptable outline in sentence form.

The second problem, pertains to the method by which you present the information. When you look at the image, there are clear points for "estimation" that need to be presented in the essay. You did not do that. There is also no trending discussion in your essay, which is pretty much a standard part of the Task 1 analysis presentations.

The third and final problem with your essay is that only the first paragraph would pass for a completely developed paragraph. The rest are too short to be considered a complete discussion. Aim to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph in order to meet the minimum requirements of the C&C criteria. Under no circumstance or reason should you present a single sentence in a Task 1 essay. The lack of paragraph development shows that you have difficulty analyzing the essay and this problem is more likely than not to affect your final score. The result of which will be an unsatisfactory score for this essay.
OP samuelsiregart 1 / 1 1  
Sep 3, 2017   #3
Thankyou very much about your opinion. Honestly Im the beginner for writing an essay, so im feel very supported with your argument which means I still need develop my ability.

@Holt
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Sep 3, 2017   #4
1/ Well done, but sadly you fail to cover what is being asked in IELTS report writing. As per IELTS writing band descriptor Task 1, candidates are instructed to present clear overview with the main trends if they want to score a higher ( 7 or above in TA). I did not see any improvement as suggested in the descriptor. If I were you, then I'd take the general trend from 2000 to 2050 as the main discussion and then break it into two or three different data. Afterwards, those are put in a brief summary of the report. These are as follow:

- a gap between 2000 and 2050
- Changes among the years.

2/ A good paragraph consists at least 3 sentences in a row. By doing so, you are more likely to meet the requirements in CC & GRA. Also, What stands out from your writing is some sentences are not well developed. As viable solutions: For the opening statement, you simply paraphrase the prompt given, but it is always better to start it with the second or the third idea, not the first one as majority students do. The following paragraphs are supposed to be a topic sentence followed by some data taken from the overview you make.

3/

First and foremost,

...

Plenty different with previous,

Keep your summary succinct and straight to the point. Some phrases as I highlight sound too bulky as majority students use them when it comes to IELTS essay. Not only this, using too many empty phrases will have your score deducted.

Hope this helps :)


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