IELTS WRITING: the population is a mix of people from different cultures and ethic

Topic: Topic: In some countries, the population is a mix of people from different cultures and ethich groups. Why is this case ? Discuss benefits and disadvantages of this issue ?

In some countries like American or Britain, the population is a combination of people from all walks of life with different cultural background.Some people belive that this is conducive to muti-cultural societies while others claim that more pains than gains behind this issue. My essay will shed light on reasons,pros and cons of this issues.

One of the first contributors to this issue is that in order to secure job opportunities with high-paid salaries, people from poor countries tend to move to developed countries.Another reason is that Only by living in industrial nations can people receive better health care and education.That's why there is an increasing number of asian students seeking sholarships to pursue their passion at American universities.Finally,Countries having a stable economy and politic attract wokers and professionals who desire to avoid polictical conflicts.

Advantages and disadvantages are noticeable. On one hand, living in different parts of the world enables people to expand their knowledge ceaselessly, deriving from learing different cultures and customs.As a result, mutural understanding can be nurtured. Equally important, No sooner have students from impoverished nations studied at high quality universities in developed ones than they are able to shake off poverty, climb the social lader and secure employment.Moreover, thanks to working with foreign experts for years, local people can learn good quintessence from punctuality, seriouness to pressure dealing.Howerver,owing to cultral shock,foreign studetns may feel isolated and depressed, causing their poor academic performance.Futhermore, without parental control, they can be lured into social evils. Another drawback is that To maximize their economic edge, bussinessmen who come to developed countries may pour a huge amount of money into the construction of industrial zones poor countries, which darkens the sky and results in healthy problems.

In conclusion,there are pros and cons in living a country where people come from different culutures.I strongly believe that people should take actions to hamonize with others.

... America is the country. Anything to do with America such as its people, colleges, economy etc. is American :)


.... actually, you topic is focused on cultural diversity and it does not talk about different professions. "All walks of life" generally refers to people of different professions, which is not so important for this essay.


....good point :)


...present this idea as an example;
For example, there are many Asian students who apply for scholarships in developed western countries in order to pursue their academic aspirations.

Thanks for your help. Can you comment about my grammar structures,idea organization,.. Do you think I can get 6.5 for this essay ?

Well... I'd strongly advise you to avoid writing lengthy sentences. Tell your ideas in short sentences having one line dedicated to one idea. That'll help you have a smooth flow without getting distracted by lengthy lines. You also need to practice and improve your essay structure... I think I saw another essay that you have written and it was pretty good. Yes, you would surely go for a good band. Do practice more and also read good essays for you to pick up points and sentence structures.

This is a well structured essay.
But as you know the essence of a good essay is in its points. How many points you can come up with, but if it is not properly arranged it will loose reader's interest. You have plenty of ideas all you need is to know how to arrange it so that it gives a good impact.

I would like to suggest you to write down your points related to the topic which you want to explain and then expand it to a paragraph, it always helped me.