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Population worldwide until 2100 and its distribution between developed and developing countries

tmkhang1999 1 / -  
Nov 5, 2017   #1
This is my essay in IELTS writing task 1. Please check its grammar, vocabulary, style. Can you mark it and tell me how to improve my score?. Thank you !!!

World Population Growth 1800-2100

The given illustrations show the changes on the population worldwide from 1800 to 2100 and compare the distribution of this population between developed and developing countries.

Overall, it is forecasted that the global population would go up until 2045 and most people would inhabit in developing countries.

According to the first graph, in the first year 1800, the global population stood at just 1000 million. Over the period between 1800 and 1920, there is a slight rise in the world population, while the period from 1920 to 2017 saw a boom and reached to 7000 million. This upward trend is expected to continue till 2045 when the population would reach the peak of over 8000 million. However, the figure is predicted to fall to roughly 6000 million in 2100.

On the other hand, around 1200 million people lived in developed areas and this number of residents would remain stable till 2040. By contrast, the population of developing areas would climb steadily from over 2200 million to 4000 million by 2040.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,132 3269  
Nov 5, 2017   #2
Khang, you are looking at a possible high score of 4 with the type of presentation that you have given. There are a number of problems with the presentation that you used because you did not accurately represent the contents of the summary overview and the rest of the chart in the paper.

You have to be conscious of the fact that each paragraph is only considered properly informative if you have 3-5 sentences (maximum) in each presentation paragraph. Each paragraph needs to contain a specific set of data in order to be completed. In a Task 1 essay, a total of 3 paragraphs will already garner you an acceptable score provided the other criteria for scoring are met.

For the summary overview that you presented at the beginning, the missing information include:
1. A proper paraphrasing of the given prompt.
2. A representation of the discussion instructions.
3. A trending statement that will kick off the essay discussion.
4. A transition sentence (optional)

In every body paragraph, the transition sentence is not optional because you will be scored on the smoothness of your presentation and your ability to interconnect the discussion from one paragraph to the next as part of the GRA considerations. So the body paragraphs need to contain:

1. A topic sentence, usually a summary of information from the chart.
2. Supporting data from the chart.
3. A comparison whenever possible.

The biggest problem in your essay is that you do not even provide an actual comparison of data within the chart unless you are mentioning the end of the measurement scale. A properly referenced summary indicates the numerical data, as indicated within the chart. Use a ruler when necessary to guide the numerical information presentation analysis on your end. Rough estimates may be used in placed of actual data when the graph does not indicate an actual numerical figure. You cannot present just the beginning and the end. The trending information within the chart must also be represented as part of the comparison analysis.

The same discussion format should have also been used for the second chart, which you barely began to discuss in your presentation as the final paragraph. All you had to do was properly represent the growth of the developing regions against the developed regions. The developed regions showed a steady number that never increased or decreased as the years progressed. That should have been properly indicated in order for this essay to have been properly informative to its reader.

As for the conclusion, that is optional in a Task 1 essay so it doesn't matter that you don't have a concluding statement represented in this essay.

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