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Positive Impact on The Walking Activity


yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 23, 2016   #1
One of the daily activity of some people is sitting 9.3 hours a day. This activity makes the negative influence in healthy of someone which many diseases like breast cancer and colon cancer, heart disease, and type two diabetes which the percentage are 10 percent, 6 percent, 7 percent. Therefore, the one and main solution to reduce the negative impact of over sitting is walking more in anytime and anywhere, because the fresh air will mobilize fresh thinking and finally give some new ideas in the brain, also the walking in the way make us in order to respect to others people in their environment.

Source : TED
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 23, 2016   #2
One of the daily activity ACTIVITIES EVERY ONE OF ALWAY FOLLOWED BY PLURAL of some people is ...
This activity makes the negative influence IMPACT in healthy of someone which IS many diseases like SUCH AS breast cancer and colon (...), and type two TWO TYPES diabetes which the percentage ... (AGAIN TOO LONG SENTENCE)

Therefore , ( IT IS ONLY FOR CONTRASTING) the one and main solution ...
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 23, 2016   #3
Hi Miss Yurike..
I have read your summary closely. Honestly, you still make errors grammatically. Besides that, you presented vague sentences so that readers were confused to understand your mind. You are supposed to reread your sentence to make you sure what you write can represent your mind. Another improvement which you need is pick up linking words appropriately to ease the readers understand this.


One of the daily activity ACTIVITIES of BY some people is sitting FOR 9.3 hours a day. This activity makes CAUSES the negative influence EFFECT in ON healthy of someone which BECAUSE IT CAN APPEAR many diseases like (...), and type two diabetes which the WITH percentage are AT 10 percent, 6 percent, AND 7 percent RESPECTIVELY. Therefore, the one and main solutionS to reduce the negative (...) and anywhere, because the fresh air will mobilize fresh thinking THOUGHT TO BE MORE FRESH and finally give some new ideas in the brain, also the AND walking in WITH SURROUNDING the way A BLOCK make us in order to respect to others people in their environment. AROUND OUR HOME.
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 23, 2016   #4
Hello Yuri, it's my correction for you.

One of the daily activity of some people ...
..., and type two diabetes which the percentage are 10 percent, 6 percent, 7 percent. >> One of many daily activity of some people ...
... negative influence in healthy to someone which many ...

when you write please using a good grammar and uncommon vocabulary, and don't out of topic.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 23, 2016   #5
Hi Yuri, here's another one from my end.

- One of the daily activity ofthat some
- people do, is sitting 9.3 hours a day.
- This activity makes thegives a negative influence
- in healthy of someone's health
- which may result to severalmany diseases
- like breast cancer and, colon cancer,
- Therefore, the one and main solution
- inat anytime and anywhere,
- into the brain,
- also the walking inis the
- way we make us in order toand respect to others peoplesin their environment.

There you have it Yuri, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences and make sure that it transcends the idea that you're trying to convey to your readers.
Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 27, 2016   #6
HI,there are several mistake i found in your summary.
1.One of the daily activitydaily activitiesof by some people is sittingfor 9.3 hours a day. ---> singular/plural
2. That activity makescauses the negative influenceimpact in healthy of someone which ...
3. Therefore, the one and main solution to reduce (...) walking more in at anytime and anywhere, (...) ideas in the brain,also the walking in the way make us in order to respect to others people in their environment. ---> not make sense sentence


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