Please help me to correct this essay. Thank you.
Topic: IELTS Writing Task 2: Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten.
What is your view? + Discuss.
Answers:
Globalization plays a central role in this era, while it creates a range of opportunities for leveraging the economy of countries around the world. However, there also exist drawbacks about this phenomenon. From my perspective, I believe that its advantages are more significant compared to the disadvantages.
On the one hand, it can be argued that globalization would help to solve job problems in developing countries. While many foreign enterprises and brands enter the market, new jobs are required to adapt to those companies' demands. This would lead to a rise in living standards. Consequently, children can get access to school and enhance their skills, which benefits the countries' economies. Finally, it will also stabilize the world's security, which means that any country with an army intention must consider its financial benefits.
On the other hand, disadvantages can not be overseen. Some people argue that with numerous outside brands entering the domestic market, the local companies cannot compete with them. In other words, customers are favor of foreign products and neglect the local one. The last issue worth mentioning is that job insecurity in developed countries. Because of high-skilled and cheap labor generated from the developing countries, laborers in developed countries would consequently lose their work or get a sharp decrease in wages. This will affect those people's lives in which the daily expenses in those nations are incredibly high. Another drawback is that the social crime rate will be undoubtedly increased.
In conclusion, while globalization has a variety of limits that need to be improved, it seems to me that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Your first sentence in the prompt paraphrase is a hanging sentence. It does not have any sense. What happens because of the range of opportunities? What is the result of globalization in your point of view? After indicating that there are drawbacks, you should have indicated the 2 topics for discussion in the reasoning paragraphs to prove that you have a clear point of view regarding the discussion. These should help to strengthen your belief in the final statement.
You do not use an apostrophe after the s in companies. Companies is the plural form of company. There is no apostrophe involved in that presentation. That is incorrect punctuation usage, falling under a GRA deduction. The same goes for countries. It is the plural form of country. It does not need an apostrophe after it. You should review your punctuation marks lessons and learn more about when to appropriately use the apostrophe in a presentation. By the way, "because" is a connecting word. It cannot be used at the start of a sentence. It seems your biggest problem in the presentation will be in the GRA section. You really need to brush up on your sentence structure skills.
The conclusion is always at least 3 sentences long. A single sentence presentation does not properly summarize the previous discussion. It is not useful as a reverse paraphrase.
While your discussion is acceptable, It lacks a clear discussion presentation that would tie the reasons together.
Dear Holt,
Thank you for your review. I find many points I have to improve in my writing.
However, I don't understand about the use of apostrophe after the "s" in companies and countries. I have already checked in some websites. I see that they use the apostrophe normally. Do I misunderstand any points ? Can you clarify more for me.
Thank you Holt. Wish you a good day.
