Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
The existence of the cutting-edge technology has altered the way people communicate toward their families. The tendency to use social media instead of visiting their relatives is one of evidences occurring among societies due to such the sophisticated devices and this brings loss of intimacy between the families.
Needless to say, one phenomenon emerged as the consequence of the development communication and technology is that more people favor social media to keep in touch with their relatives. The reason for this is that these communication devices provide practical way to interact with friends or families. Taking a smart phone as an example, with all futures it has like the ability to send picture, record voice, and even process data, human's communication tends to be much more better to conduct compared to the implementation of conventional communication tool like letter, and phone.
Apart from the previous discussion, it is also the fact that the emergence of such tools creates less harmony tie between families. This is because people never hold an eye-to-eye communication, which is the most essential aspect in tightening any relationships. A current survey conducted in UK uncovered that as the result of the tendency of people to use social media in communication, a gap between families can be clearly shown lately. Therefore, a less harmony family bound can occur because of the invention of state of the art communication devices.
To conclude, the sophisticated communication tools apparently switch people behavior in interacting with their relatives by favoring social media to direct meeting and unclose relationship between them is one of negative effect resulted. Where possible, a preventing measure is highly required to take citizens to deal with the probable negative impacts.
Hi Ilham, I reckon that it's been quite a long time since your last thread in this forum. Thus, I would like to say welcome back mate! :) However, with regards to your essay, I have pointed out some of your weaknesses in writing with hope that in the next practice you're going to improve your writing skill, especially in IELTS writing. You can see the detailed descriptions of my feedback below:
1st paragraph:
- The tendency to use social media instead of visiting their relatives is one of evidences occurring among societies due to such the sophisticated communication devices. andThis brings loss of intimacy between the families. Therefore, it becomes the main cause of negative development of technology.(be careful, this sentence is quite complicated, which often leads to inaccuracy. In addition, you are also suggested to re-state what the prompt wants in order to improve the clarity of your essay. This relates to "a clear position throughout the response" in writing band descriptors of IELTS task 2)
2nd paragraph:
- ...with all futuresit has many useful features, such aslike the ability to send picture, record voice, and even process data. (stop right here, make a new sentence.)Human's communication tends to be much more better to conduct compared to the implementation of conventional communication tools like letter, and tele phone. (It is also suggested to make the sentence as accurate as possible. Therefore, you need to make sure that the sentence that you are going to write is 100% correct. It is not necessary to force using "complex-but-inaccurate sentence" like what you've did. 2 or 3 clauses per sentence is okay. No need to make it complicated. Remember the criteria of band 5 in grammatical range and accuracy part "attempts complex sentence but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences")
Hi Muhammad, below are additional modifications for your essay.
- towards their families.
- is one of the many proofsevidences
- occurring among todays societies
- due to such the sophisticated devices and this brings loss of intimacy between their families.
- as thea consequence
- of thethis development in communication
- and technology is that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) more people
- with all futuresits features, it has
- like the ability to
- better to conductoperate compared to
There you have it Muhammad, just to add, indeed, the development of technology has been very rewarding to the masses, it's not only practical, it's also very economical and an efficient way to communicate and connect with love ones. On the other hand, disadvantages in using this technologies will rise when people are too dependent and will not seek any effort to meet and physically see their families or friends. Overall, a good balance is needed for technology to take effect in a positive way.
Hi Muhammad,
I appreciated this essay as a high quality one.
However, I found one fault: you should write communicate with instead of communicate towards .
In general, everything is already corrected.
Hi Muhammad,
Overall your essay is well-qualified
I think you should change
Taking a smart phone as an example, with all fea tures it has like the ability to ...
I think you will get a very high score in this essay.
