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Is it possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment? Ielts


Central6497 1 / -  
Oct 9, 2018   #1
Hi everybody. I hope you guys can check for me and give me feedback. This is my IELTS essay. Have a nice day!!!

environment and prosperity



Topic:

Some people say that it possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. However, others disagree.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Answer:

There are different standpoints when it comes to environmental problem. While some people believe that it is virtually impossible for a nation to be successful in both economic and environment, I personally think that is totally feasible.

First, it is understandable why many people are skeptical. In numerous developed countries, the authorities are willingly to make a trade-off that they choose to boost the economy and endure the environmental degradation. This is owing to the inevitable fact that the upsurge of economic corresponds with the increase of the factories, which daily release a huge amount of carbon dioxide emissions and toxic chemicals, which engender natural depletion. In addition, when people are received better facilities, they increasingly become lazy and live a sedentary life. As a substitute of cooking by themselves, people prefer food-miles shipped by motorbikes that produce exhaust fumes which is one of the most significant contributors to global warming.

On the other hand, I argue that it is possible for many countries to obtain the clean environment while still making profits. In many wealthy countries, as well as developing the economy, environmentally-friendly technology is ultimate priority of the government besides achieving economic goals. Switzerland, for instance, enforces the law of requiring wastewater treatment system and emissions filter in all the factories in the country and monitors them closely that play a key role in reaching both environmental and economical success. Furthermore, people in developed countries have the sense of environmental protection. Green movement could be broadened easily if both the national and local authorities have appropriate propaganda campaigns about alleviating environmental problems to the citizens.

In conclusion, I believe despite the fact that there are difficulties to acquire both a clean eco-system and an economical flourish, it is still a reachable goal.

Duzaho 4 / 11 3  
Oct 9, 2018   #2
From the first body paragraph... which (with) daily release ... carbon (monoxide) dioxide emissions and (other) toxic chemicals.
In addition, when people (are) delete "are" ...
"receive" not "received"

You provided an example for the second paragraph,
Try and get an example for the first paragraph also...
Generally speaking your essay is struggling with both spelling and grammatical expression
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,919 1721  
Oct 10, 2018   #3
Trung, this is a failed Task 2 essay. The reason that this essay will receive a failing score is because you are not discussing the essay in the manner instructed by the original prompt. Have a look at the instructions and how you responded to them:

Instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Response: I personally think that is totally feasible.

You only responded to the last part of the essay which is the personal opinion. You do not have a discussion of the public points of view. The format should be:

Par. 1 - Prompt Paraphrase
Par. 2 - 1st Public POV
Par. 3 - 2nd Public POV
Par. 4 - Personal Opinion
Par. 5 - Concluding Summary

You must clearly indicate, per reasoning paragraph, who is speaking and what the topic of that discussion is all about. That way you represent the public point of view discussion as required by the task. Without proper reference to the speaker, the whole essay will appear to come solely from your personal point of view. That is exactly what happened because of your presentation per paragraph in this essay.

Please remember that a complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences as per the C&C requirements of the scoring band. Writing less than the minimum number of sentences can have a direct negative effect on the development of your explanation which will then lower the clarity and grammar skills consideration for your essay. You will receive less C&C, GRA, and LR scores when you write less than 3 sentences per paragraph. Always optimize your scoring potential by aiming to write 5 sentences per paragraph, not just for the reasoning paragraphs. The score is after all, done on a collective not per paragraph basis.


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