Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

"Is it possible to be a hero in the modern world?" SAT December 2010


Dawn01 19 / 33  
Jul 21, 2015   #1
Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks...

Prompt 1

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Again and again we hear the complaint that we have no heroes anymore. Heroes-people who should be admired for their great courage or noble achievements-are no longer recognized in our modern world. Many people, in fact, believe that heroes existed only in the past. But this belief is wrong. Because more praise is given to the latest technological innovation than to one individual's heroic achievements, we may not be aware of our heroes, but we do have them.

Assignment:
Is it possible to be a hero in the modern world?
Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

The modern world turns to transform progressively into a digitalized area, where technology invade all fields and take control of human life. But, as long as this hostile and cold jungle is omnipresent, heroes of our modern time appear to warm our existence and put an end to the reign of technology when serious social dilemmas -as injustice, inequality and poverty - and psychological diseases rose on the fore.

Mohamed Bouazizi, the emblem of 2011 Arab Spring, is one of the bravest men in the history of revolutions. His self-immolation was the catalyst for Tunisian Revolution. In fact, he set himself on fire and sacrificed his life pushing Arab people to revolt and to fight furiously for freedom, dignity and social justice. And despite the role social media has played to spread liberal ideas and to unmask Arab rulers corruption, violence and oppression, no electronic device can make an emotional, social and spiritual impact as the act of heroism Bouazizi has made.

For a broader perspective, philosophers, artists and activists are modern time heroes. They need to be praised for their massive effort to save human soul: its raw, emotional and spiritual part. By admiring a work of art, we pour out a pool of secrets, we feed our imagination and we satisfy our thirst for serenity and purity. With the heroes' insights of philosophy and art, humans manage to escape from the claws of cyber addiction. These truths are

the food for thought that we need much to face the ferocity of modernity. Those people with the finest minds are the heroes of our times that we are not aware of them.

To conclude, I can assert that each historical era has its heroes and even if technological innovations are more valuable to some people, electric devices can never replace heroes who lead nation, defend values and stand for human rights.

indirectMW 1 / 5  
Jul 21, 2015   #2
Yes it is possible... Have you seen Superman lately? Maybe you should go and watch some movies that way you will be able to answer your own essay without the need for thousands of words. Good day.

*is it a bird?
*is it a plane?
*no it's superman
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jul 21, 2015   #3
I will help assist you again with your essay. First, I would like to say that you are working really hard. Also, this essay seems just right.

In the first paragraph, I think you are trying to state, "rose to the fore".

The last sentence of the second paragraph, you can delete and. Start the sentence with "despite".

The third paragraph is confusing because you discuss how others are saved emotionally and spiritually. It seems as if you mean they help us to think and analyze how we feel, which helps us escape from the digital era. When you discuss truths, revise part of the sentence to read:

"...need to face...".

Place "a" after lead.

This essay was an 11. It was very close to a 12.


Home / Writing Feedback / "Is it possible to be a hero in the modern world?" SAT December 2010