It's neither possible nor desirable to do the same job throughout work lives - IELTS

Every advices are welcome!!!!
Thanks a lot in advance!
Ilaria

IELTS EXAM WRITING TASK 2:
STATEMENT:
"These days is neither possible nor desirable for most people to stay in the same job throughout their working lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"
Write at least 250 words.

my essay:

Nowadays it is unlikely for plain folks to endure forever the first job and broadly during their working lives.I totally agree with this statement for various reasons.

Whereas in the past it was possible to start working in young age, today this is nearly impossible. For example, in Italy for youth that have studied at the university it is "normal" to begin working around twenty six, twenty seven years.

A long period of student life is dedicated to the study and this is the reason why many young people begin to work later.
During the period of University odd jobs are many times the only solution for students.
I remember when I was at my first years at the university and I tried to work at the same time of it. It was hard!

Moreover, nowadays the employment contracts are generally in short-term. Seldom you have the chance to carry on the first job for many years. Only long afterwards, after work years, a company decide to hire someone, because for them it is more easier to exploit and to underpay a young boy than hire a skilled person.

On the other hand I think that when someone find a jobs with a long-term contract and today it is an utopia, hopefully it will be for the whole life.

In conclusion, I would say that nowadays it is difficult but not impossible for many people to stay in the same job throughout our working lives, especially in Italy. As often as not it is not our choose but a decision imposed.

The intoduction should be more creative, to me your intro is stereotype .

I like it, but it could be stronger.

Nowadays it is unlikely for plain folks to endure forever the first job and broadly during their working lives.I totally agree with this statement for various reasons.

-Statistic shows the median years a person stays in one job is 4.1 years(2008). In other words, an average person will have to have 7-10 different jobs in their life time. So for most employees, it is unlikely to endure forever the first job during their working lives.

Moreover, nowadays the employment contracts are generally in short-term.
-Moreover, employers hope to leave the door open for new more desirable workers. Nowadays the employment contracts are generally in short-term.

On the other hand I think that when someone find a jobs with a long-term contract and today it is an utopia, hopefully it will be for the whole life.

-This paragraph doesn't make sense.
-You'd better give a supporting idea in the first sentence, then explain the state by giving examples or providing specific reasons.

They are my advice. But, please remember they're just the suggestions, if you don't like them you may ignore them. Good Luck to your test:)

thank you so so much!!!!
CHONG
:)