It is possible to prevent and solve the problems connected with living in a foreign country

Dear all,
Here is my practice IELTS task 2. I will be appreciated if you could give me some advice from the perspective of a native speaker. Thank you!

Living abroad

Write about the following topic:
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:
Many people believe that living abroad results in social problems. Although I agree there are many drawbacks living in a foreign country, I believe it is possible to prevent and solve the problem and I will not see it in a negative way.

There are many difficulties that foreigners encounter, such as loneliness, language barrier, and cultural differences. From my personal experience living in Mexico as a foreigner for two years, I had experienced all the challenges. For example, most Latin people are not always punctual or honest. Foreigners usually feel offended and upset when they do not keep their promises. The culture shock sometimes made me feel worse homesick and more struggle when I tried to communicate the problem with an unfamiliar language.

However, I would still argue it is beneficial for both foreigners and the society. The experience could help not only foreigners but also local people widen their knowledge base and become more flexible in the future. Take myself, for example, I have learned to observe people from their actions instead of their words. I also become less judgemental while facing new problems because I know it is important to be humble and respectful all the time. This attitude can also help to eliminate misunderstanding and reduce potential social problems.

In conclusion, I agree living in a foreign country is never easy but I believe it will not lead to serious problems by knowing how to adjust mindset whether being a foreigner or accepting foreigners in our hometown.

Wen, you immediately failed this task. Although you did write more than the required number of words, you are not discussing the prompt from the angle by which was indicated in the original instructions. You have misunderstood what the topic for discussion is.

Actual topic: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.
Actual Subject: Having to speak a foreign language while living in a foreign country.

Your Topic: Many people believe that living abroad results in social problems.
Your Subject: Living abroad causes social problems.

By separating the two areas for the subject of this essay, you can clearly see how you made the mistake. Your subject is different from the actual subject. The next set of errors that you made have to do with the discussion instruction:

Original instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your Response: I believe it is possible to prevent and solve the problem and I will not see it in a negative way.

You totally changed the discussion instruction from an extent essay to a positive/negative opinion discussion. That is not the question being asked. The question requires an extent response such as:

I strongly agree/disagree
I wholeheartedly agree/disagree
I agree/disagree to the extent that...
I partially agree/disagree...

among other variations of the possible response to this type of essay instruction.

Your body of paragraphs do not mention even once the problem of not being able to speak the language of a different country. Which is the whole point of the essay. You instead focused on culture clashes and social misunderstanding, which, while somewhat relevant, doesn't begin to explain how the lack of language proficiency fits into your discussion.

That is why I am sorry to tell you that this type of essay will not get a passing score in an actual test. You failed to properly represent the original prompt discussion topic and requirements in your response and that is why this essay did not deliver the correct response.

Hi Holt,
Thank you so much for your feedback. I will write again and focus on speaking a foreign language when living in a foreign country and explain the social and practical problem in the second and the third paragraph.