Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

IELTS 2 It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment


RomanKoch 7 / 16 6  
May 23, 2020   #1
It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole.

What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?



Advancements in all spheres of life have opened new horizons for people. One of these is access to the South Pole and other new destinations for researchers and common people. While it is advantageous as it allows scientists to collect valuable data and give new experiences for tourists, it has drawbacks such as polluting these intact regions.

There are advantages for both scientists and ordinary visitors. For the latter it means more travel destinations, new unforgettable experiences and new photos on their social media accounts. For the former it gives access to unique data sources that can reveal the secrets of our planet. For instance, samples collected from beneath kilometer-thick layers of the Antarctic ice sheet can tell about how Earth looked like billions of years ago. Therefore, the journey there will lead to more scientific discoveries.

The drawback of accessible travel is that people tend to pollute places where they go. Travellers need to bring a lot of clothes, food, and equipment to such remote locations as the South Pole. Most of these things eventually become waste that will end up discarded around the area. While this littering tendency might not be so pronounced for scientists, it is more prevalent in tourism. It has happened before, as previously accessible only to the few bravest and fittest alpinists, Mount Everest is now gathering queues of tourists at its summit. This influx of people has resulted in tonnes of trash scattered around the paths, leaving a heavy footprint on the ecology of this formerly pristine region.

In conclusion, tourists together with scientists now have easier access to remote locations. On the positive side there is plenty of potential for research and leisure experiences there. But it has its disadvantages as people bring pollution with them.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,579 2488  
May 24, 2020   #2
Do not always rely on using "former" and "latter" when referencing groups of people or other situations where the terms apply. You need to build up your LR score and one way of doing that is to show that you know how to refer to tourists and scientists in several ways, that still apply to the discussion.

Tourist - sightseer, traveler, excursionist, explorer, journeyer, vacationer, among other alternative terms
Scientist - scientific analyst, nature examiner, environmental prober, are some advanced alternative references to scientists.

You need to keep reading more English materials to help increase your vocabulary. While fiction books can help, news materials, research documents, and academic journals could help further increase your knowledge of English words. You should also familiarize yourself with the difference in UK and American English spelling. Kilometer in American English is spelled Kilometre in UK English. Additionally, you mentioned the plural form of layer, layers in the sentence. Therefore, the measurement should be in plural form also (kilometres thick). Consistency in your presentation is important.

Your clarity in sentence presentations become affected by the lack of comma usage before the word "and". The presentation becomes clearer, when presenting a series of information, if you can prepare the reader for the upcoming end of the list: "new unforgettable experiences, and new photos on their social media accounts".
Also, do not start your sentences with "but" as that is a connecting word. More effective opening words that you could have considered for the concluding sentence are: "although, however, or nevertheless". Any of those words would have helped your essay close on a much stronger final sentence presentation.

Overall, you properly developed your discussions and connected the 2 discussion references in the same paragraph in a fluid manner. Good work. You have shown significant improvement in your overall writing presentation. There are still problems that could pull down your score but I am confident that you will be able to improve in those areas over the coming days.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment