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IELTS writing 2 - posting comments on product or service to the internet, is it good or bad?

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 9, 2018   #1
Dear all, this is me again... I just not sure this one is agree/disagree or 2 views+opinion, anyway I just treat it as the former...

comments on the products and services to the cyberspace and its effect

In the world of internet, people write about a product and its reviews as well as their opinion about the service. Is it a good thing or bad thing?

In the internet world, people trend to post their reviews and opinion on any products and services to the cyberspace. In my view it is beneficial to both the buyer and seller.

The prime reason for people to leave their comments to the net would be that for information sharing. And thus the sharing is crucial for other when they need to acquire goods or services they do not familiar with. By access to the reviews and opinions on the net, they will have sufficient information for them to make their purchasing decision. Hence I believe this is vitally important for the people to upload their comments about the products and services to the internet as of it weight on influencing the buying decision of any potential consumer.

In fact this internet comment habit not only good for individual but also positively impacting the seller. Company who provide good services and products is rewarded by the most powerful advertising instrument in the world, that is the internet. Besides company nowadays, instead of waiting for the customer to sending feedback, is proactively seek for people with influencing power and providing them the free sample or trial service and encouraging them to sending reviews and opinions to the internet. These kind of advertisement had been proved by several researches that help generate more business than that of the traditional way, advertising thought the broadcasting media, for instance.

In conclusion, it is the positive development for people who post comments on the products and services to the cyberspace as I believe that it is beneficial to both the individual and company as a whole.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,883 2165  
Aug 10, 2018   #2
@smally01 This is actually a variation on a direct response essay. When you are asked if this is a good or bad thing, you should have a thesis statement at the end of the paraphrase that says "I view this as a good / bad thing for a few reasons." You are not being asked about whether it is beneficial to the buyer and/or seller. It is a simple question and explanation essay. So your prompt paraphrase is incorrect at this point. Here is how it should have been written:

The cyberworld has specific areas where people can shop for products or acquire services. It also allows the buyers to leave comments about the product or services as they experienced it. I believe that this method of allowing for public comments regarding consumer goods and professional services is a good thing for a few reasons.

By the way, "and" is a connecting word. So if you want to use it to connect two thoughts, make sure you do not have a period before it. "And" cannot be used to start a sentence as a connecting word. Now, while your essay took the wrong approach to the response, I would like to tell you that I noticed an improvement in your writing. You have a clear presentation of ideas in relation to the prompt as you (mis)understood it and you were able to explain yourself well. I just wish you had approached it from the correct thesis statement. No worries though, I know you will do better next time.
OP smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 10, 2018   #3
Dear Holt, all I want to say is Thank you! Thank you for your comments and encouragement along my road to IELTS! I don't know how to express my feeling well in english but all I want to say is that you make us (me in particular) not

feel alone in the dark; I know I got someone here giving us support, guidance and encouragement.

You are right, I must make it clear on my statement that directly answer to the question (I.e. yes it is good instead of any unclear wording such as benefit effect/impact).

Thank you and I wish you all the best!
sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Aug 10, 2018   #4
Hi. Good essay. Your coherence and spot-on ideas are the things that deserve a praise from me, in which these components are something I need to enhance on. Only a small suggestion, you need to be more scrupulous in your writing expression, which I found it kind of jumbled to read.
OP smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 10, 2018   #5
Sorry to give you hard time on reading my essay... is it too jumpy?

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