This is my first try of writing essay in English. So I would be appreciate for any notice about grammar, words using and overall structure of essay.
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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. (250 words)
Do you agree or disagree?
My opinion is that the correlation between the influence of power of advertising and real needs depends on the society and goods. In the countries with strong economic and big GDP, the advertising tends to play a noticeable role. On the other hand, in the poor countries advertising has secondary role. Also, I think the significance of advertising variates from market to market.
In markets, such the high-tech or educational ones, the influence of advertising is clearly visible. The grows of sales in it derived rather by advertising and fashion trends then by real needs. As a live example of this phenomenon we could see that people usually change or significantly upgrade home computers every two years. There is no actual need to do that, because the most used programs do not need such upgrade. At least it's possible to use a four years old computer for routine tasks without noticing any trouble.
Such "fashion oriented" markets are mostly grow in countries with strong economic. The reason is that the people of more poor countries have to care more about food, cloth and things which are posed on basic needs. For example, in India or Africa where the individual consumer power of is 5 times less than in USA, therefore the vital problem is to buy enough food and give education to children.
More conservative areas such as food market are not influenced by advertising as much as other areas. The cooking habits of people are resistant to changes and it's not so easy to invent some new product there. I think people more focused on quality of food and don't pay much attention to advertising. At least when I buy bread or potatoes I don't look to the brand of conductor.
As for varying from country to country I don't think much difference presented in such conservative markets. Eventually the rice, bread and milk are the same everywhere.
So my point is that significance of advertising is lowering for goods which meet the basic need. As for more virtual need such as entertainment the high sales are more reflected the power of advertising than real need of society or quality of product.
hi, I tried to correct a little problems below.
Basically, a sentence can not have two verb.
some sentence may suffer from this problems.
For example, in India or Africa where the consumer power of individual is less by 5 times thethan the U.S., so the vitalsevere problem is how to buy enough food orand give the children someenough education.
by the way, if I had something wrong, please correct me :P
I'm a learner and I practice, too.
I think in the introduction you have to make a clear thesis statement.
the question is: Do you you agree or do you disagree with the thesis that stays high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
Then you have to stay the reason that you will support in the following paragraphs.
I do not get what you mean in the sentence "My opinion is that it depends on the society and goods"
I think, in the second paragraph, the first sentence is too weak to be the thesis statement. what do you mean with : In fashion oriented markets the influence of advertising is clearly reviled? why?
Margarita thanks, your remarks help me a lot. First I see the weak points of my knowledge of grammar, and second I get were is flaws in structure of essay. Very helpful.
Is the sense is more clear in this variant?
In my opinion, the relation between the high sales of popular consumer goods and the power of advertising ,and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold, depends on the economy level of each country and on the impact of advertising in different markets.
In the countries with strong economic and big GDP, the advertising tends to play a noticeable role. On the other hand, in the poor countries advertising has secondary role.- explain and support-
The significance of advertising variates from market to market -explain and support-
The significance of advertising is lowering for goods which meet the basic need. As for more virtual need such as entertainment the high sales are more reflected the power of advertising than real need of society or quality of product.
