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Practice IELTS Writing Task 2 - Benefit and Drawback of Computer Games

habibaistiqomah 1 / -  
Jul 19, 2017   #1
Computer games yield more tremendous benefits, but also have obvious drawbacks for children. Do you agree or disagree?

computer games influence children

In globalization era, the use of advance technology spreads to all aged society. Video games are one of cutting-edge technologies in kids circle. Advertisers believe that these virtual games have many advantages for children's brain. Personally, I support this statement because several games in computer can increase children's intelligence and reduce stress level. On the other hand, I believe that parents should limit playing time of children in computer as it can affect kids' health and social life.

It is clear that sophisticated technology brings many beneficial impacts. Inventors discover variety of games that can upgrade memory capacity of children's brain. A 2016 Journal of Neuroscience released that people under 18 years old who played digital games can do better assignments than the other. Their output of brain-check up also showed that they have well balanced between right and left brain. Not only this, the rise in study time at school massively impacts on the number of children getting stress. The 2014 Jakarta Post wrote that in China, playing online game could decrease to 25% amount of anxiety level that is caused by task demands at school.

Parents have the essential roles in controlling activity of children. More playing games bring negative impacts on kids. Games addicted cause disturbance of health, such as gastritis and eye diseases. A 2015 BBC News reported that 23th young man was found in his bedroom in death condition. He was found with a stick game in his hand. The police assumed that he passed away because of playing games too much without eating or drinking. In addition, social life of kids can also disappear because of playing games. The Asian Journal represented that in 2013 45% children in Japan did not know name of their neighbors. They were busy with their virtual games.

To sum up, I agree that computer games influence children in positive and negative impacts. By playing video games, children's capability can elevate and their anxiety can reduce. Restriction of playing time should be regulated to protect kids from disease and lost in social life.

linhlol1749 1 / 3 2  
Jul 19, 2017   #2
-I think your introduction is quite confusing. At the first sentence, there should have a general sentence for computer games like" Nowadays,almost children seem to spend all of their time on computer games". After that, you write about two statements and you will express your opinion that you disagree or agree at the last sentence

-In condition, the topic sentence of paparagraph 2 is not good. You should write a sentencen which can embrace the whole content of that para.
-About the conclusion, "I agree that computer games influence both positive and negative impacts on children" INFLUENCE IMPACT ON SB/STH
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Jul 19, 2017   #3
Hello Mr Habib, in this moment I am going to offer a few suggestions for improving your essay so that you can finalize that.
First, if you wanna paraphrase the statement, you are supposed to do totally. You mentioned that advertisers state advantageous of the computer games whereas you had to show their opinion about detrimental effects. Pay attention to the statement. The prompts given ask you for arguing your opinion that the trend has advantages and disadvantages. Those two factors are unity you have to review.

For your body paragraph, please be careful of picking examples up. Your first reason in the first body has not related to the example. As we can see, you said that the computer game can raise the capacity of memories, but you can show the relevant scientific fact. Following that, I suggest you avoid the scientific fact in your real test. It is impossible you can deliver the scientific fact in that situation. It is better you present your personal experiences or information which you get in the field. On the other hand, you should strengthen your logic flow in the second body paragraph. There were a few missings in your flow.

Lastly, your thesis statement is good. If you can get the points of the statement given, you could create the good thesis statement.
Keep spirit. You only need practice more and more. GOOD LUCK

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