Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


GRE Practice Essay - Governments should limit the amount of restriction, if any, on scient


chloespaha 1 / 1  
Nov 20, 2013   #1
This is my first try writing a GRE essay. I am taking it on Tuesday so any feedback you can give me would be great so that I can try another prompt or two and post them here. That way I can see my improvement. Please note that I was randomly assigned this topic and I had very little prior knowledge to go on. I would appreciate comments on grammar, word choice, sentence structure and length, or any style issues that I might have. Thanks!

The prompt is governments should limit the amount of restriction, if any, on scientific research and development.

In the 21st century, scientific discovery has become surreal, meeting and exceeding the predictions made in 20th century literature and films. Much of the technology that was then considered science fiction is now tangible fact. Advances in technology and medicine have saved countless lives and subsequently doubled the average human lifespan in the past century. However, many under explored areas of medical and military science have unpredictable consequences. Because of the nature of projects like cloning, new, untested medicines, and biological weapons development, governments should not limit the amount of restrictions placed on scientific research until all possible research has been completed within the restrictions and further research has proven necessary.

Oftentimes in discussing the implications of further research and development, morality becomes a heavily debated topic. One such example of research that is called immoral is cloning. While human cloning, due to government restrictions, has not been explored, many call animal cloning an abomination and a mockery of God's power to create. While science and religion are two separate realms and religious morality should not influence scientific discovery, basic human decency demands that we take care before proceeding with such delicate procedures. A human being created through cloning may or may not have previously undiscovered health problems, which could cause the infant pain and distress. If there is any way to insure that cloning does not cause needless human suffering, it should be explored. The current government restrictions on cloning force scientists to take many precautionary measures and attempt to perfect the process long before it is tested on humans.

Scientific research and development of new medicines may also have unforseen consequences. Many diseases that we cannot yet cure are fatal (e.g. cancer, AIDS, etc.) and require invasive treatments. Limiting research and development of new medicines could potentially help, rather than hinder, these patients. While some may argue that in order to progress and make discoveries in medicine, scientists need to be unrestricted, others agree that restrictions merely ensure that all research in progress is exhausted and every avenue explored before more invasive or extreme measures are taken. After all, after a point, all new medicine must be tested on animals and eventually people in order to prove efficacy. The side effects of such treatments are less likely to be catastrophic in nature if research is slowed through government intervention and scientists are forced to show the need to push boundaries further.

Additionally, government restrictions prevent, to a degree, the development of dangerous chemical weapons. Restrictions force a level of security and secrecy on military research that prevents the average citizen from accessing and replicating disastrous chemical compounds,and also prevents researchers from creating technology like the atom bomb without government consent and government-approved use.

Though restrictions may slow scientific discovery, the benefit of control, repeated testing, and careful analysis will yield better products to the public. Quality, not speed, is ultimately what is most important. The ripple effects of unsafe development should be avoided at all costs.
Nikkyrulzz 1 / 2  
Nov 22, 2013   #2
Hi Chloespaha,

I've written GRE recently and scored a 4 in AWA. I know its not a great score but I have a few points worth mentioning.

Firstly, the writing style and the content of your essay is pretty good. I can guarantee it will fetch you a minimum of 4 in AWA.

Quick Tips:
->Never write the body in one paragraph. Dedicate a separate para for each example of your body.You can make as many as 4-5 para's in your body.That will make your body look layered and easy to read.

->Your last para in the body must compulsorily talk "for" the topic. I.e if you wrote the essay against the topic ,then the last para must bolster the prompt. This will make your essay not sound monotonous.

->The length of the conclusion must be a little longer and must clearly express the gist of what you have written.

Finally, there are a few glitches which are minor grammatical errors like:
1) its not "prove efficacy"...prove its efficacy.
2)Because of the nature of projects like cloning, new, untested medicines, and biological weapons development, governments should not limit the amount of restrictions placed on scientific research

The above line can be rephrased better as: Because of the nature....and development of biological weapons, governments tend to impose higher levels of restrictions on them which should be abrogated.

3)The current government restrictions on cloning...current government's restrictions
4)Many diseases that we cannot yet cure...Many diseases that do not yet have a cure

Regards,
Nikky


Home / Writing Feedback / GRE Practice Essay - Governments should limit the amount of restriction, if any, on scient
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳