Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS practice writing for music.


Seong 3 / 3  
Jan 6, 2010   #1
Topic : There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? It the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is a form of art and many people listen to it. In addition, many various types of music have appeared in the world. In my opinion, traditional music in the past seemed to be more important than international music but now the situation has changed.

Nowadays, the necessary of music is deserved to be a part of life. Firstly, music makes people relaxed. When people got stress or sadness and axiety, they listen to music. As that can be a therapy, so in Korea some people who have disease use music as a medicine. Futhermore, music can be a way to communicate with other people. As people listen to music, they appeal their emotion through music. So people who have in common in music could communicate widely. Finally, music reflects one's culture, tradition and history. In international events, Olympic and Worldcup, many countries play their own traditional music so others may be able to understand other's culture and history.

However, many youngsters listen to international music such as hip-hop, rock and pop. This is because thesedays music accompanies some kind of trend like fashion and behaviour of famous stars. Eventually, traditional music for many people is declining. However, it is not reasonable because some singer or band try to keep the characteristics of traditional music. For this reason, international music is more important than that music. Young people and many countries export their own music to other countries so that music become international music in the world. Then, people in the world communicate each other throughout music at least.

Having discussed the above, international music became more important part of our lives than traditional music and also many countries try to let all people know their own music which can be a part of culture, history and tradition.

Thank you for reading my IELTS essay. This week I am going to take the IELTS test in New Zealand but I am very nervous and worried. please check my essay and give me good advices if you have had a experience like IELTS.

Keng 39 / 134  
Jan 7, 2010   #2
I do not know a lot about IELT essay. Is it an arguementative essay.

In my own opinion, you may begin with what are differences between traditional and interational music. Your point is traditional music seems to be important, but the situation has changed.

I think it is little confusing. You should say due to popularity in international music, desire for traditional one is not an object of interest.

first papagraph may be your preference in the past, second one is why international one becomes popular

Your idea is very interesting and should be a third paragraph.
---------international music became more important part of our lives than traditional music and also many countries try to let all people know their own music which can be a part of culture, history and tradition.-------

To be more specific, you have to hold up your idol as an example to make the topic sentence concise and understandable.

Here are my suggestions
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Jan 15, 2010   #3
In my opinion, traditional music in the past seemed to be more important than modern , international music but now the situation has changed. (add a sentence that tells how the situation changed and what is most important now. This first paragraph needs one more sentence.)

Nowadays, the significance of music is deserved that music is an importan t part of life.

This is because these day s music accompanies some kinds of trends like fashion and the behaviour of famous stars. Eventually, traditional music for many people starts declining.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS practice writing for music.