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IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Nature vs Nurture in Sharping People' Personalities and Developments


pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
May 24, 2016   #1
Question:
Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Answer:


According to the research, one personalities and growths are determined by the innate characteristic instead of the experience that they went through their entire life time. Even though the research indicates that fact, I personally consider that the influence of experience plays a bigger proportion in sharping their personalities and development.

Naturally, people were born with carrying certain personalities that they inherited genetically from their parents. Those personalities mostly appear in physical traits such as how do they look like. Yet, some of them also reflected through their behaviors. For instance, a child looks alike to her mother, but inherited her father's height and complexion. Another example, the descendant of parents who have sense of arts will have artistic abilities too. However, their inherited characteristic will be the basic form of their natural behavior that will last for their whole life. Although this kind of personality is unavoidable, they can still be fully developed by the time.

Experience, on the other hand, is believed as something that will nurture the development of innate personalities. Experience relates to several factors: cultural, social, and situational. Cultural deals with family and tradition; social connects to interaction within communities; and situational relates to certain circumstances. To illustrate, a kid has no appetite to consume any sea food because his mother never served it in their dining table; a teenager who develop his empathy or even turn out to be ignorant after interacting with group of people in society; and a person who becomes knowledgeable not because they parents were genius but that is the result of her affection of reading ton of books. Thus, those factors are crucial in influencing the development of ones' behavior.

In brief, while it had been proven that intrinsic factor is crucial in determining people's personalities and developments, experiences play the essential role in sharpen those aspects significantly. Therefore, people should aware of their born characteristics and choose wisely the most suitable environment to develop them in order to sharpen their personalities.

(370 Words)

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 24, 2016   #2
Febri, I notice that you have gained impressive enhancement in IELTS writing. This is a remarkable achievement in a short time. However, you need to remember that enhancement doesn't mean your essay is perfect. You still have some flaws that still need to be reduced. Therefore, I would like to focus on giving you a feedback related to your errors, especially in sentence formation.

- ...they went through in their entire life. time
- ...experience plays a bigger roleproportion in sharping their.. (proportion is not something that can be played. I hope by noticing this part, you will be able to realize the danger of synonym.)

- ...certain personalities that they inherited geneticallygenetically inherited from...
- YetHowever , some of them also reflectedreflect ... (avoid using coordinating conjunction in the beginning of the sentence. This makes your essay becomes less formal)

- ...a child looks alikeliketo her mother.
- ...,but and inheritedinherits her father's height and complexion.
- ...they can still be fully developed by the timewhen he or she grows up .

As you can see, I hope you can follow through the corrections above (first and second paragraph) in order to improve your writing skill. Good luck for the next practice :)
madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
May 24, 2016   #3
Hi Febri, your essay is understandable, however i have some suggestions for you.

... they parents were genius but that is theas a result of her affection ...

experiences play thean essential role in ...


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